Sakura in Wonderland
by Renegade Platypus
Summary: Co-written with Tohokari-Steel. After following a strange little man down a well, Sakura Kinomoto finds herself in Wonderland, a mysterious place that celebrates the strange and the nonsense.
1. Down the well

**"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."**

 **-Lewis Carroll**

* * *

 _A Tohokari-Steel/Phantos Project..._

 _A fanmake of the beloved Lewis Carroll book..._

* * *

Ring, ring! Ring ring!" a pink alarm clock started to ring inside the room of a 4th grade girl as the morning sunlight crept in thru her bedroom window. The girl in question let out a single groan and reached for the clock, her whole body hidden under her bed covers.

"Alright, alright..." she said as she gave the clock a light smack, making the ringing stop.

The girl under the covers groaned as she sat up in bed and wiped the sleep out of her eyes. She was wearing pink pajamas with a yellow collar, her hair was light brown and she had striking green eyes. Her name is Sakura Kinomoto. Sakura let out a yawn and small tears appeared in her eyes. "Morning already...?" She asked in a tired voice.

 _ **Sakura in Wonderland**_

She just sat there in a groggy daze. She remembered that there was something to do today, but currently it was just wandering through her head, trying desperately to find something to connect with. She looked outside the window and saw the sun. Sun, yellow, day…

Now "day" was bouncing around in her head, trying to find something to connect with. She vaguely remembered being excited about something yesterday, but that was about it. She crawled out of bed and wandered to the bathroom, where she began brushing her teeth.

"Hey, monster." Said the voice of her (jerky) older brother, Toya. Sakura mumbled something incoherent in response, "So, what city do you plan on devastating today?"

She spat out her mouthful of toothpaste and just said, "Shut up..."

"Well, guess I'll see about it tonight." He commented. She paused, tilting her head in confusion, "Oh, don't remember. Well, I'll give you two words, see if you can connect it-day trip."

Sakura remained still as the phrase began wandering around her head. It found a connection. Day trip. School day trip. Her eyes sprung open as she ran as fast as she could to her room, quickly getting dressed for the day.

"How could I forget?! I've been waiting all week for this!" She said as she tried to get her school uniform shirt on. As she did, a little black and white kitten stuck it's tiny head in, wondering what was going on. "Meow?" The little cat said. This little bundle of fluff is Figaro, Sakura's fuzzy little best friend.

Figaro quietly crept over to Sakura as she kept struggling to get dressed and get out the door as quick as she could. "I can't be late, if I miss this trip it'll be the worst day of my life!"

"You know if missing this is the worst day of your life, you're in trouble!" Sakura's brother called to her out in the hallway as he headed downstairs. As he did, Figaro slowly went up to Sakura and rubbed against her leg. "Ahh!" Sakura let out a shriek of surprise as her kitten's tail and ears shot up! Figaro quickly scurried under the bed as his young master composed herself.

Sakura shook her head and bolted out the door as fast as her legs could carry her, slamming the door behind her.

"Hey, monster, your lunch." Toya called. With an audible screeching noise, Sakura ran back, opened the door and took her lunch. "Thanks!" she said, slamming the door. She then quickly opened it before adding, "You still suck, though." She closed it a second time before running off again.

Before she knew it, Sakura was speeding down the block with a pair of rollerblades strapped to her feet! Some cherry blossoms from a nearby tree fell down and landed on the pavement as she zoomed past.

After what felt like a few seconds, her class was in front of her school, coming to a halt as she sighed, taking off her helmet and skates before running into the building. Her relief was short-lived as she saw the bus nearby and she was running after it immediately afterwards.

"Ok, just in time!" She said with a sigh of relief. "Sakura-chan!" A voice called out. Sakura turned her head and saw a girl about her age with long black hair, a school bag was hanging from her side. This is Tomoyo Daidouji, Sakura's best friend. "Oh! Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura said as Tomoyo ran up to her.

"Isn't this exciting? Going on a field trip, getting to see new places!" Tomoyo said as she covered her cheeks with glee. "I can't wait to film all of it!" She said as she pulled out a video camera from her school bag. She turned the power on and checked the camera's settings. She held the camera up and pointed it at Sakura.

"Heh, try not to get too excited." Sakura said as she rubbed the back of her head. They boarded the bus and it quickly drove out of the station.

"Still not sure where we're going, exactly, but any trip's good for me!" Sakura grinned. "Oh I know how you feel! This is so exciting! I'm going to capture every moment!" Tomoyo said as she started to film. She pointed her camera towards the bus's window and filmed the outside world as they drove through it. Tomoyo then aimed the camera at her best friend. "Smile Sakura-chan!" She said.

Sakura smiled timidly and waved at the camera. Sakura looked out the bus's window, watching the scenery pass by in a blur.

The little girl watched as other cars, a few people walking on the streets and the occasional bike rider passed bye. The bus slowly but surely made it's way through the traffic as Sakura's other schoolmates chatted amongst themselves. "This is going to be awesome!" A random boy said. "It certainly is exciting!" A girl said.

"Sometimes I wonder..." Sakura said as she looked up at the blue sky. Puffy white clouds that looked like wads of cotton candy were scattered throughout the sky. "Huh? Wonder what Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked as she shut off her camera and put it away. "I know this sounds weird but, sometimes I think what it would be like if I had a world all my own." Sakura said as her chin rested in her hand.

"What do you mean?" Tomoyo asked. "I mean, a place where there's no big brother to make fun of me, a place where anything goes!" Sakura said as she perked up right away! "Oh! Maybe in your world, cats and dogs can talk and dress just like people!" Tomoyo said happily.

"Why just cats and dogs? Why not all animals? Oh! And they all live in fancy houses and have tea parties! And I could talk with the flowers!" Sakura replied with a grin. The two girls started to giggle cutely at all the ideas they cooked up. The school bus finally made it out of the city and headed out into the Japanese countryside. "Ok class, we'll be at our stop in 15 minutes so be ready and remember to stay together!" The class' teacher said from the front of the bus.

Eventually, the bus came to a halt in front of a shrine. The students began piling out, eagerly chatting with each other. Sakura had a distant look on her face, still wondering what the world of her own would be like.

"It'd be a real wonder land." She said, dreamily, to herself.

"Head out of the clouds." said Syaoran as he passed by. Sakura flushed as the Chinese exchange student passed. The boy was... interesting, even nice deep down, but he was still a jerk none the less. She stuck her tongue out at his retreating back.

"Alright, everyone!" The teacher called, "Find a partner!"

Sakura eagerly looked around and snagged Tomoyo by her uniform sleeve. "Come on Tomoyo, let's do this!" Sakura happily said. Tomoyo giggled and the two girls ran off to go explore.

They ran over to a nearby pond and looked down into the water, bright colorful koi fish were swimming around near the bottom of the pond. One of them, a colorful orange and white one, leaped out of the water causing the two girls to gasp! It splashed back into the water and the two started to giggle in delight.

After that, Tomoyo filmed her and Sakura as the two ascended a flight of stairs along with the rest of their class. She started off by filming her legs and showing them moving before pointing her camera ahead of her, showing the rest of her clasamtes

The whole class moved underneath some bright red Torii arches while pink cherry blossoms fell down all around them. After a short time the class arrived in an open courtyard. "OK, this looks like a perfect place to have lunch." Their teacher said.

"Alright! I'm starving!" Sakura happily said as she and the rest of their class pulled out boxed bento lunches. They all sat on some benches that were nearby and popped their lunch boxes open, Sakura and Tomoyo took a spot underneath a nearby cherry blossom tree. Sakura reached into her bento box and pulled out a perfectly shaped rice ball.

"Nom!" She took a bite out of the rice ball and chewed it happily. "I'm having a ton of fun so far, how about you Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked. "Mm-hmm!" Sakura nodded as she swallowed her bite.

"I'm having a blast so far!" She said. Tomoyo looked around and perked up, quickly grabbing her camera. "Stay right here, I'm gonna film some of the scenery."

"Ok!" Sakura replied as Tomoyo walked off to another part of the courtyard. Sakura placed her lunch off to the side and leaned her back into the trunk of the cherry blossom tree. She placed her hands behind her head and looked up at the bright blue sky.

She smiled warmly and closed her eyes. "Nothing could ruin this day…" She thought. When suddenly, she heard what sounded like a twig snapping nearby! "Hmm?" She asked as she opened one eye. Sakura sat up straight and shook the sleep out of her eyes.

Sakura quickly spun her head and saw a small blot move behind a nearby statue. The young girl raised her eyebrow and, as anybody would, she went to investigate. Sakura quickly went over to the statue and took a peek behind it, and much to her surprise, the plot she saw as a small man!

The man was about the height of a small child and was wearing a purple waistcoat with yellow buttons and a cute little red bowtie. He was also wearing a purple vest wit a yellow trim and a pair of glasses were sitting on his round face above a white moustache. In his hand he was carrying a walking stick with a brown and white mushroom cap on the top.

But probably the strangest thing about the man before Sakura's eyes was that a mushroom cap not only sat on his cane, but on his head as well! "Ah, my what a lovely day." he said as she strolled casually across the shrine's grounds with his cane under his arm. "Wha...?" Sakura said, not really sure what to make of what she was seeing. She looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this, but much to her surprise, it appeared she was the only one.

The little man reached into his waistcoat and pulled out a golden pocket watch that was attached to a chain. On the edge of the watch the words "Property of Toadsworth" were etched into the metal. "Hmm?" Toadsworth said as he held the watch up to his hear, unable to hear it tick. He gave it a light smack and suddenly the clock started back up, ticking away like a timebomb.

"Oh my goodness! How late it's getting!" Toadsworth said as she jumped into the air, his glasses flew off his face and did a flip in the air before landing perfectly back on his round face. "Oh I can't be late, her royal Diamond shall be furious!" Toadsworth said as he broke out into a run!

"Royal Diamond?" Sakura asked. Deep down, she knew she should let it be.

...

She ran after the mushroom thing without another thought. "Hey, hold on a second!" She called out as the little mushroom man darted towards for some nearby woods. He ducked under some white rope that walled off the forest area, a note was attached to the rope that read "DO NOT ENTER" in big bold letters. Sakura stopped at the edge of the wooded area, she looked back.

"Am I really doing this...?" She thought as she bit her bottom lip in thought. What if her teacher found out about it and she got in trouble? Most likely her teacher would call her dad and she'd get a really stern talking to or the worst? Get grounded.

But like most small children, her curiosity got the best of her. She climbed over the rope and ran into the woods! "Sir, wait!" she called out as the Toadsworth kept running ahead!

"No no no! I have no time!" Toadsworth said as she briskly ran across the forest floor! The mushroom headed man ran into some bushes where he vanished from Sakura's sight. The young girl ran up to the brush and parted it with her hands. "Now why would he come here?" She thought as she made her way through the brush.

When she made it to the other side, Sakura found herself in a clearing that was surrounded by trees. The only thing in the clearing was an old looking square shaped well. Toadsworth hopped onto the edge of the well and, without any hesitation, jumped down into it! Sakura gasped and quickly ran over to the well.

"How deep is this thing?" She asked, leaning over the ridge. She couldn't see the bottom and leaned down deeper to try and get a better look. When that failed, she began leaning into the well, keeping her feet on the side.

Unfortunately, the wood she was leaning on gave way with an audible snap! She yelled as she fell forward and plunged down the well! "AAAAAAHHHHH!" Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs, she flailed her little arms and legs in the air! The little girl fell down in the darkness of the well before vanishing from sight! "AAAAAAHHH!" She screamed some more as she kept plunging down into the bowels of the Earth, it was so dark she wasn't sure couldn't even see the bottom! She wasn't sure if she'd land in a body of water or the dry ground! She just kept falling...

And falling...

And falling...

And falling...


	2. Many doors and a sea of tears

"No! Please!" Sakura said as she kept flailing about, waving her arms around and desperately looking for something to grab onto! When much to her surprise, her fall gradually shifted into a slow descent, almost as if she were floating in space. "Whew..." Sakura said as she wiped her brow. "I wonder how long I've been falling?" She said calmly as she made her descent, relieved that her fear of dying was quickly diminished.

Suddenly, the darkness around her magically faded away when some gas lights appeared on the walls of the tunnel. "What...? How is this possible?" Sakura asked as she looked at the lights. She reached out to touch one just to make sure what she was seeing was real. Sure enough, her hand made contact with one of the lamps.

Sakura's head darted around as several more objects appeared around her, such as bookshelves chock full of books, multicolored ticking clocks hanging from strings, and some bats where hanging from roots sticking out of the ground. The bats stuck their heads out from behind their wings and watched as Sakura slowly floated past them.

"What is this place?" she asked, "And how much longer until I reach the-"

THUD!

She landed on a hard floor right on her rear, "OW...that's gonna sting for days..."

"I'm late, I'm so very late!" The mushroom shouted as he ran by. Sakura watched, almost immediately forgetting her pain before running after him. She chased him down what she could only describe as a system of tunnels, but well-furnished, carpeted tunnels. The mushroom ran into a door as Sakura quickly followed. The second she walked into the threshold, which seemed to consist of a small table, a chair, and a small door.

"Hello, friend." Came an unusual-sounding voice.

She looked around, trying to find the source. She then spotted someone next to the door...which was probably one of the most unusual creatures she had seen. It was a bipedal, pinkish-red crab-like creature with tentacles in front of its mouth. It also wore an outfit and cap that seemed akin to a bellhop. He also appeared to be very tiny...and was waving at her with his claw-like hand in a friendly manner.

"Um...hi." Sakura said.

"My name is Zoidberg and you are...?" he asked, seemingly unperturbed at the difference in size.

"Hi!" Sakura said with a friendly wave. "I'm Sakura, Sakura Kinomoto!" She said as she knelt down to his height. "I was wondering if you could help me." Sakura said to the crab man. "Of course, anything you wish! I'm a nice guy." Zoidberg said with a shrug.

"Have you seen a mushroom man about...this tall?" she asked, pointing to his waist.

"Why yes, I did! In much of a hurry, he was! The mushroom you seek ran through the door just now! See for yourself!"

Zoidberg clicked one of his claws as a door appeared in a puff of smoke. Sakura knelt down, got onto her hands and knees, and peered through a peephole that was in the door. She saw the mushroom running off into the distance before vanishing into a tiny speck.

"Oh there he goes!" She said as looked back at Zoidberg. "Sir, you have to help me! I have to get through!" Sakura pleaded. "Oh my darling, I don't know if you noticed but you must be this tall to ride, and this tall you are not." Zoidberg said as she pulled a seamstress' tape measurer out and placed it against the door. He quickly wound it back up and placed it back in his pocket.

"Well there has to be SOME way to get through..." Sakura said as she rubbed the back of her head in thought. Zoidberg looked up in thought and rubbed his chin with his claw. "Perhaps I could be of assistance! Tell me, would you like something to drink?" Zoidberg asked when suddenly in a poof of purple smoke, a bottle with a paper label attached to it appeared on the table right behind Sakura.

"Eeep!" The girl squeaked in surprise before quickly regaining her nerves. She stood up and walked over to the table, her eyes targeted at the glass bottle. "Now where did this come from?" Sakura asked as she picked the bottle up and read the label, the words "Drink Me!" were on the label and written in fancy looking cursive.

"I don't mean to sound rude but this isn't going to poison me is it?" Sakura asked Zoidberg. "Poison?" Zoidberg asked, surprised before chuckling, "It wouldn't poison. That would be ridiculous." Sakura sighed as she took a gulp of the liquid, finding that it had an unusual taste. Like cherry tart, curry, pineapple, roast turkey, and all sorts of other tastes, "No, instead, it SHRINKS!"

"Who phrases things like that?" Sakura asked before yelling. Everything around her seemed to get bigger and bigger...or rather, she got smaller and smaller. She continued shrinking until Zoidberg towered over her. Thankfully, her dress shrank with her.

"Well, it appears that you are having a LITTLE problem, eh?" Zoidberg asked before chuckling. "Very funny." Sakura murmured, "Now, could I go through the door?"

"You would, but I forgot something important. Now, what is it...?" Zoidberg asked, thinking it over, "Oh yes! I forgot the key!"

"What?!" Sakura asked, shocked.

"Relax, little girl." Zoidberg said before chuckling again, "You're small and tiny, but you still have Zoidberg!"

"I feel honored..." Sakura mumbled with an annoyed look. She looked up at the giant world around her and put her hand on her chin. "Now where would one leave a key?" She asked as she raised one of her eyebrows.

"Where else little girl? Up there!" Zoidberg said as he pointed up to the huge glass table. In the blink of an eye a silver key appeared out of nowhere and sat peacefully on the table's top.

"B-but I'm all the way down here! How is that supposed to work?" Sakura half-shouted.

"Oh, there's an easy solution to that." Zoidberg said, reaching into his coat, "Try one of these, maybe? I got them from a travelling salesman. "Come one, come all", he said, "Step right up". "This deal sounds too good to be true", I thought. He said I looked like a smart, young man. "So, is it a deal?", I enquired. Two hours later he was gone, with sixty of my dollars. But I have these!"

He put a small box down...small in comparison to himself. To Sakura it was the size of a closet. She crawled up it and saw some cookies. Each of them had "Eat Me" written in icing. She took one of the cookies and nibbled on it, causing her to grow larger and larger.

"W-whoa! Whoa! Hey, take it easy!" She said as she kept growing until she completely filled the room! With a loud "whump!" Sakura's head banged into the ceiling! Her legs scrunched close to her body and her arms pressed against the walls!

"Ouch!" She howled and winced in pain, she reached up and rubbed her head with one of her eyes shut. Zoidberg gasped and covered his mouth. "They worked! Hooray! I finally bought something that worked as advertised!" Zoidberg said as he waved his claws in the air!

Yeah, but now I'm too big!" she said. She then began to sniffle. "Oh dear, uh...let me check..." Zoidberg said, pulling out a joke book and flipping through the pages as quickly as he could, "Uh...d-don't cry just yet, little girl...whoops."

"I can't help it! I'm stuck, I'll never get out of here!" Sakura said as a tear fell down her cheek and towards the floor.

A GIANT tear.

KER-SPLASH!

"Uh, uh...!" Zoidberg said as she flipped through the joke book. "Here's one! What goes, Haha haha, plop plop plop?" He asked as Sakura kept crying! Her huge tears started splashing all around Zoidberg like huge water balloons!

KER-SPLASH! KER-SPLASH!

Each one kept filling up the room more and more, the room looked like a water pipe had burst open and was flooding the room! Zoidberg quickly looked down at his joke book in an attempt to cheer the young girl up. "An orange holding it's breathe!" he said as he waiting for her to start laughing but to no avail. "Darn it!" he said as he tossed the book down and grumbled angrily.

"Fine then, as they say if you want something done right, you must do it yourself!" Zoidberg said as he reached into his coat and pulled out a round blue sphere the size of a paintball. "One last trick from the great Zoidberg!" He said as he pointed a claw upwards and aimed for Sakura's weeping mouth.

With a great throw and a loud grunt, Zoidberg tossed the sphere into the sky and it landed perfectly into Sakura's mouth!

"Gulp!" Sakura squeaked as she swallowed it whole! In the blink of an eye, Sakura shrank right back down to her normal height and landed right in the pool of tears with a big splash! "Zoidberg has won the day! I'm a champion everyone!" Zoidberg said as he floated neck deep in Sakura's tears!

Sakura swam through her own tears up to the surface, taking a deep breath as her head broke the surface.

"Z-Zoidberg?" she asked, but the tide began taking her farther and farther away, "Oh no, now what do I do?!" Sakura asked as the water kept pulling her out into the middle of nowhere.


	3. The Caucus Race

Sakura looked around as the sea of tears kept swishing all around her and the sky had become dark! "Ok Sakura, j-just remain calm!" Sakura told herself as she floated around in her own tears.

Suddenly, nearby, the waves started to build up and Sakura was tossed around in the water like a small fish caught in a whirlpool! "Ahh! What's going on?!" Sakura asked as her head darted back and forth. When out of the darkness, emerged a ship! A grand looking pirate ship slowly appeared from the shadows, a pirate flag was hanging from it's mast!

"Wha...? But how...?" Sakura asked as she questioned the logic of the situation, but before another thought could enter her head a voice called from the deck of the ship!

"Captain! There's someone in the water!" A shadowy figure yelled and pointed down at Sakura. "Well come on ye scurvy dogs, get them on board!" A gruff sounding voice responded! A life preserver attached to a rope shot up into the sky and landed right in the water.

Sakura gasped and paddled her little arms and legs to the life preserver and hooked one of her arms into it. She reached up and gave the rope two tugs!

 ***Ding ding!*** A bell up on deck rang and Sakura was quickly hoisted out of the water! "Thank you." She panted as she plopped down onto the deck of the ship and gasped for air, "You're so-"

She halted, seeing the crew consisted of an anthropomorphic starfish, sponge, and octopus. Heading the wheel was a bright red crab, clad in a pirate garbs.

"Nice...?" She finished, confused.

"Hey, I be takin' no freeloaders on me ship! Take up a mop or take another dive!" the crab shouted. "Here! I-if this helps!" Sakura cutely stuttered and reached into her school uniform's pocket, she pulled out 1115.84 yen which in American terms equals to about 10 dollars. "What do you say? Will you let me stay on board?" she asked.

The crab scuttled over, sniffed at the money before his eye stalks expanded, taking on the shapes of dollar signs.

"WELCOME ABOARD THE KRUSTY KRAB, LASS!" The crab exclaimed, swiping it.

"Lets a girl on for about ten bucks." The octopus murmured, irritably, "What a class act he is."

"Welcome aboard, ma'am!" The sponge exclaimed, "Where's your destination?"

"Well some dry land would be nice." Sakura said as she pulled off one of her shoes and poured some water out before slipping it back onto her foot. "I followed this little man with a mushroom hat and I was hoping you gentlemen could help me find him!"

"Alright men, listen up! Our mission is to help this young lady!" The crab barked as the sponge and starfish saluted him. "The first person to spot it gets a 1 cent raise!"

"Aye aye captain!" The sponge and starfish barked loudly. "Whatever..." The octopus said in a bored droning voice. The crab then leaped up into the ship's crows next and looked out towards the horizon. "It's nice of you to help me out sir!" Sakura politely said. "Don't get used to it, that's probably the nicest thing he'll do all day." The octopus said as he grabbed a nearby mop and started to swab the deck.

When suddenly, with a loud crash, the ship suddenly stopped dead in it's path! The octopus grunted as he face planted right onto the deck! "LAND HO!" The crab cheered as she leaped onto the deck, he quickly jumped off the ship and onto a beach. "We've arrived shipmates! Start scouting the area!" The crab barked.

"Hold it right there!" A voice called. The crab looked over and saw a group funny looking creatures sitting on the beach, one of them being a purple mouse with a curly tail. A picnic blanket was sitting on the beach and a basked was in the center, the poor critters were soaking with Sakura's tears.

"You got us all wet!" The mouse, known as Rattata, shouted and pointed his little white paw at the crab. "And you ruined our picnic! It took us 3 days to make our potato salad!" A round rat creature with large teeth known as Raticate said angrily!

"Oh, sorry everyone!" Sakura said, "I'm just looking for..."

Sakura spotted someone in the distance-a short, mushroom-like creature, still running as fast as his stubby legs could carry him.

"HIM!" she shouted, running after him.

"THREE DAYS!" The Raticate shouted, shaking its tiny fist at her. "Oh, no you don't!" Ratatta said as he snagged Sakura by her skirt. "You caused this, you need to help us get dry again!" He chirped. "But I can't stop now! I'm in a hurry!" Sakura pleaded before getting interrupted by the talking crab.

"Now now missy, a good pirate always pays for their dastardly deeds!" he said, holding his claw in the air. "You don't really get how being a pirate works, do you?" The octopus said in his usual dry dull tone. Sakura let out a tiny sigh of defeat. "Fine, I'll help." She said.

"Good! We've been planning this picnic for days! We deserve to have it be fixed!" An owl creature known as a HootHoot said as it hopped on one foot over to the group, it's small round body dripping with water. Laying down nearby was a pink hippo looking creature with a long tail and little white feet. The tip of his tail was also white as if it had been dipped in paint. The pink critter let out a small yawn and smacked his lips.

"Maybe we could just let the sun do all the work..." He said in a tired and slow voice. "No way Slowpoke, that'd take forever!" The Rattata chirped! "Well there must be some way for you all to dry off." Sakura said to the critters. "If I may, I'd like to have a say in this. I think I have a plan." Raticate said as he got in the center of all the action.

"Oh? What might that be?" Sakura asked. "Very well... Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart started learning how to compose when he was about 4 or 5 years old. By the time he was 8 he had finally composed his first symphony, The Symphony no. 1 in E Major." Raticate said as he held up his paw wit hone of his claws pointed in the air, like a teacher would during a lecture.

"Uh... come again?" Sakura asked, wondering how this was helping at all. "During his lifetime the great Mozart composed over 600 different songs, 21 of them being operas and 50 of them being symphonies. His final piece of work before his death in 1791 was called-" Raticate rambled on before Slowpoke cut in.

"Oh dear, not that thing again..." He said in his droning voice. "Excuse me?! Do you know anything about classical music?!" Raticate asked in an offended tone. "My friend, we're trying to dry off, not fall asleep..." Slowbro said with another yawn.

"Yeah, you've clearly done enough of that already." HootHoot said to his pink buddy. "Wait a second! I have an idea!" The starfish said loudly, getting everyone's attention. "How about to dry off, we all run around in a circle and the first person to dry off first wins!" He said happily!

"Wait, that doesn't make any-"

"EXCELLENT IDEA, ENSIGN PATRICK!" the crab shouted, "LAND HO!"

The gathered menagerie began running around in circles. Sakura just sat in the middle, looking confused. Not helped by the fact that the crab began singing.

"Forward, outward, inward, outward, come 'n join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus race!" He sang as the others joined in, "Backward, forward, inward, outward, bottom to the top! Never a beginning, there can never be a stop!" "This is...happening." Sakura said before yelling at the appearance of another wave that hit the group. When it receded, Sakura was sopping wet and found that the creatures hadn't missed a beat.

The little girl grunted as one of the critters brushed her side, knocking her into the sand! "Hey! That's not very nice!" She called out as Ratata galloped across her back and pressed down on her head, causing her to face plant into the sand.

"Grr… " Sakura growled lowly as she stood up and dusted herself off.

"To skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy-free and gay!" The crab sang, "We started it tomorrow and we'll finish yesterday!"

"Round and round and round we go, until for evermore!" The others sang, "Once we were behind, but now we find we are! Forward, backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be drier than a jolly caucus race!"

"What's the point to all this?" Sakura asked herself, "You're actually MORE wet than when you started!" she said as she crawled out of the waves and shook herself off.

"Don't be a Debbie downer!" Ratatta said as he darted past Sakura. "This seems to be working perfectly! I feel dried off already!" Slowpoke said as he slowly jogged around the beach. As everyone kept running around in a circle and sometimes bumping into each other, Sakura noticed that nobody was paying attention to her.

"Come on slowpokes! You can do better than that!" The crab barked at them! It was at that moment Sakura noticed an opening in all the running about! She took this chance to dart past all of the prancing critters and into some nearby woods.

Sakura quickly pressed her back against a tree and breathed heavily, hoping that none of the critters were chasing her. "Whew... am I glad to be away from all that." She said as she wiped her brow.

"I'll never complain about gym class again." Sakura quipped as she made her way into the woods.

(Please R&R)


	4. Eat Me!

The little girl looked around the area as she headed deeper into the woods. "Now let's see... I'm sure that I saw him come this way, and he can't have gone that far." she said as she looked around the forest. As she continued her journey, the trees slowly started to clear up and sitting in a peaceful clearing, was a mushroom house surrounded by a white picket fence and with a chimney sticking out the top.

A little garden with plenty of veggies was peacefully sitting on the right side of the house along with various garden tools that were sitting in a wheelbarrow.

"Oh my! This is adorable!" Sakura said as she approached the house. It reminded her of those little model villages you see in stores every Christmas that were often coated in fake fluffy snow.

Toadette!" came a voice, "Oh Toadette! Where ARE you?"

Toadsworth suddenly came charging out the front door and down his mushroom house's walkway! "Toadette, there you are!" He said as he looked up at Sakura and held both her hands gently.

"Look at you my dear, how you've grown!" He said as he looked up at Sakura, making her really confused. "Excuse me?" Sakura asked.

"Oh ho ho, don't fool around with me Toadette, I might be old but I'm not a fool! Now please be a dear and go inside and fetch me my trumpeter uniform, her Royal Diamond will be expecting me soon and I would really hate to upset her!" Toadsworth said as he nudged Sakura towards the front door.

"B-but hold on a second, there's been a mistake! I'm not-"

 **WHAM!**

The door was slammed behind Sakura. She sighed, "Might as well, it'd be the nice thing to do." She said as she looked around Toadsworth's humble abode.

She was quite surprised at how cozy it was, nearby was a small chair with a footstool in front of it, and right next to the chair was a reading light.

She walked up the stairs and headed into the house's bedroom, finding something under the bed. It was a yellow outfit decorated with white diamond patterns. She pulled it out and looked it over, "Is this it? Hehe, it kinda looks like a dolls outfit…"

She then saw a box of cookies sitting on a table, each one with the phrase "Eat Me" written on it in frosting. Sakura slowly grew a cheeky grin and looked around to make sure nobody was watching. "I'm sure he won't mind if one's missing…" she said quietly.

She took a cookie and bit into it. For only a second, she realized why she shouldn't have done that. She began growing again!

"Oh no, n-not again!" Sakura shrieked as her growing body began to fill the room! Meanwhile outside, Toadsworth was quickly tapping his foot. "I wonder what's keeping her, kids these days always taking their time..." He said as he reached for the front doorknob. When suddenly, with a loud crash, Toadsworth's front door burst open and a giant leg shot out, making him fly back!

Another loud crash rang in the air as Sakura's now giant head burst through the top of his mushroom house and both her arms stuck out the side! Sakura's eyes bobbled around in dizziness before she shook her head, snapping her out of it. She gasped when she looked down and saw her whole lower body encased in the mushroom house.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad at me!" She said in a pleading voice as Toadsworth looked at her with a terrified expression. "Uh, I found your uniform! It's not wrinkled or anything!" Sakura said with a timid smile as she dropped Toadsworth's herald outfit.

"O-OH MY GOODNESS!" Toadsworth shouted, running off, "HELP! A MONSTER HAS MANIFESTED IN MY ABODE!"

"Monster? Hey, get back here! I'm NOT a monster!" Sakura muttered, "Now I'm just reminded of Toya."

She then heard the sound of raucous singing to the tune of "Blow the Man Down". She also heard Toadsworth's frantic voice, "So you think you could deal with that monster, Krabs?"

"Why of course laddie! A good pirate always helps those in need!" Sakura heard a familiar voice getting closer and closer. Toadsworth reappeared from the brush frantically tugging on the arm of the talking crab. "Oh great..." Sakura said in an annoyed tone as she saw the two coming up the way.

"Look! Look!" Toadsworth said as he hopped up and down and pointed at his house. The crab stopped dead in his tracks and took a few steps back. "By Neptune, you weren't joking! Why that's the ugliest monster I've ever seen!" The crab said as Sakura glared at him.

"Didn't your mother teach you that is no way to speak to a lady?" Sakura asked in a grouchy voice, only to be completely ignored.

"Oh Krabs, you have to help me get rid of it and quickly! If I'm late Lady Diamond will surly have my head!" Toadsworth said as he pulled his watch out and pointed at it.

"Alright, calm yourself lad. I'll think of something!" The crab said as he put his hand on his chin. "Uh, we could... no that's too messy. Or how about, no that'll take too long." he said when just then, another figure appeared down the way! It was a cat looking creature wearing a blue boiler's suit and a tool belt was hanging from his waist. He was carrying a lunch pail at his side and was happily humming a tune.

"Oh! It's Meowth, my maintenance man!" Toadsworth said. "Heya boss! Lovely day we're having isn't it?" Meowth asked with a wave. "Perfect!" Krabs barked as he scuttled over to Meowth and put his big meaty claw around his shoulder.

"Listen, lad, would you call yourself, reliable?" Krabs asked, leading the creature to the house and setting up a ladder that was lying on the grass nearby.

"Tch are you kidding me? I'm the most reliable person out there! Why I'm so reliable that-"

"That's great!" Krabs cut across, "Now, I want ya to climb up on the roof and pull out that monster!" Krabs said as Meowth jauntily began to ascend the ladder.

"Alright, you got it sir- wait, WHAT?!" Meowth shouted, bolting down the ladder only for Krabs to grab him by the tail.

"Hold it there, ya blasted cat!" Krabs said, grabbing Meowth by the scruff of his neck, "You're missin' a golden opportunity here!"

"I don't care!" Meowth said as he flailed his arms and legs around. "I'm a gardener, not an exterminator! I'm puttin' in my two weeks!" he shrieked as Krabs dragged him back towards the house.

"Oh grow a spine and get up there! Think about this, you could be famous, known throughout the whole land as Meowth, the monster slayer!" Krabs said as he hoisted Meowth onto the ladder.

"But what if I don't wanna be-?" He said, only to have Krabs point one of his claws at the top of the ladder. Meowth gulped and slowly started to climb onto the roof. He grumbled lowly as he went higher and higher. "Oh sure, make the cat do all the hard work..." he said under his breathe. Finally he made it to the top and hopped onto the roof, inspecting the situation.

"Hmm... this is gonna be tough. But nothing I can't handle!" he said as he rubbed his chin. He grabbed a strand of Sakura's hair and gave it a tug. "Ow! Hey, stop that! That's not very nice!" She said.

"Listen doll face, I'm just doing my job here! And you can help me..." he said as he hopped onto Sakura's face and started tugging on her cheeks.

"By getting... out... of my bosses... house!" he said with each pull! But suddenly, Sakura felt an urge building up, Meowth's fur was tickling her nose! "Oh dear…" Sakura mumbled as began to feel a tickling sensation on the tip of her nose.

"A-Ah...Ah..."

"ACHOOO!"

With the force equivalent to a small hurricane, Sakura let out a sneeze that sounded like a thunder clap! With burst, Meowth was blown off Sakura's face and was catapulted into the sky!

"LOOKS LIKE MEOWTH'S BLASTIN' OFF AGAIIIIIIIN..."

Ding.

Mr. Krabs looked up and calmly said, "Well, there goes Meowth."

Toadsworth took out his bugle and began to play taps on it. Sakura looked up into the sky and sighed. "Poor Meowth…" she said.

"Well, looks like we'll have to move to Plan B... we'll blast the monster out!" Krabs said before he let out a loud whistle! "Oh boys! Bring out Old Betsy!" He said. The sponge and pink starfish came around the corner pushing a cannon! "Wait! No! Don't blow up my house!" Toadsworth said as he grabbed the sponge and starfish by the seat of their pants.

The two dragged him along the ground. "Worry sir, we've got orders to follow!" The sponge said as they aimed they stopped in front of the house and aimed the cannon at Sakura! The girl let out a gasp and started waving and kicking her arms and legs! "No! I don't wanna get blown up!" She shrieked!

"Ready..." Krabs ordered as the starfish began to light the fuse! "Aim..." he said as Toadsworth scrambled around in fright! He quickly ran behind the cannon and attempted to blow the fuse out, all the while Sakura tried to get out of the house!

"FIRE!"

With a loud bang the cannon went off and a cannonball shot out right at Sakura's head! The poor girl shut her eyes and waited for impact!

*Boop*

The cannonball lightly tapped her on the nose and landed on the roof with a thud. "...Well that was a rip-off." The starfish said in a dry tone. Sakura let out a huge sigh of relief and reached her giant arm up to wipe her forehead. When suddenly, a puff of smoke appeared in the place where the cannonball was. In it's place was a slice of white cake with the words "Eat Me!" written on it in blue frosting.

"That could be helpful!" Sakura exclaimed, reaching out. All of the people screamed in terror and ducked out of sight and reach. She grabbed the cake and lifted it to her mouth and eagerly ate it. She then felt a familiar sensation as she began shrinking again.

In the blink of an eye, Sakura looked around the room and saw she was not the size of an insect. "What are we gonna do sir?!" Sakura heard the sponge ask from outside.

"We wait until the monster strikes again! Ready the cannon! When that monster shows it's face, we'll blast it to kingdom come!" Krabs barked. Sakura took at as her cue to leave ASAP!

She quickly darted out of Toadsworth's bedroom and hopped down the stairs like a small bunny rabbit. "I swear if someone calls me a monster one more time..." Sakura grumbled as she made her way to the front door. When she finally made it outside, she saw Toadsworth hiding behind a tree with Krabs and the others.

"My poor house... all my stuff!" He said as she held his head in worry and rolled on the ground. His eyes then gazed at his watch and he shot up like a bullet when he saw what time it was! "Oh my stars! Forget the house, I'm going to be late!" He said as he ran on the air for a few seconds like in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon!

Toadsworth then shot down the road, leaving a dust trail behind! Sakura groaned in frustration and ran after him! "Sir! Please wait!" She said as Toadsworth kept running ahead of her.

The short mushroom man kept running down the road and eventually, he reached a grassy part of the path. But the little mushroom man just kept running until eventually, he was out of sight once again.


	5. Who are you?

"Hold on a second!" Sakura shouted as she ran into the tall grass. She looked up, the grass was partially covering the sun as if they were trees. Several flowers nearby were now the size of small buildings. "Oh dear... I'll never reach him in all this... it'll take me hours to get through all this" Sakura groaned as she looked around the area.

"Huh...then again these are rather pretty..." she said.

"The only problem is how am I gonna get out of here?" Sakura asked herself as she slowly trekked through the tall grass for what felt like hours. Suddenly at her feet, Sakura noticed something fuzzy hiding behind a large daisy. It appeared to be the head and front paws of a fuzzy little orange and white striped cat. "Oh! Hi little guy!" Sakura happily said as she knelt down to the cat.

Her small hand gently glided across the cat's head, it purred softy and pressed it's head into her palm. "You remind me of my cat back home." Sakura giggled. The cat then let out a single meow and quickly moved forward from behind the daisy, revealing it had a long slender body like a caterpillar!

"Ahh!" Sakura shrieked as she quickly stood up and backed three steps away. The caterpillar kitty meowed again as it slunk across the forest floor and disappeared into the tall grass. "I keep forgetting this place isn't like home..." Sakura told herself. She backed away some more and looked around, nervous about what might be lurking in the tall grass.

*Clang!*

Sakura felt her back collide with something! She shrieked yet again and jumped, quickly turning around to see who or what she bumped into! And much to her surprise, she discovered it to be... a sign post. "Huh?" she asked as she examined it more closely. Sitting on top of the post was a round symbol with a red boarder and a single red line going right down the middle.

Black was on the inside parts of the symbol along with two diamond shapes, it sort of looked like a mask of some kind! The signs that the post held up were pointing in four separate directions, each with a black and red gloved hand at the end, all of them were sticking out their index fingers straight ahead.

The signs themselves read nonsensical jargon such as, "This way!" or "That way!" and "You for sure don't wanna go that way!" Finding this sign reminded Sakura of a book series she had heard about from another country, about a group of kids' adventures with a magical talking Lion and a faun.

In that world there was a lone lamp post sitting among the forest, and Sakura was quite puzzled at this odd find, although she knew darn well that the whole world she was in was full of odd finds.

"How peculiar..." She said as she examined the sign some more. A few thoughts started to race through her head, such as wondering what was waiting for her at "You for sure don't wanna go that way!" but being the smart girl that she was she decided not to test her luck.

Suddenly, an all too familiar feeling began to take hold of her, the feeling I'm sure we've all experienced or hey, maybe you, the person reading this is feeling right now. She was getting hungry. Sakura felt her little stomach growl softly and she placed her hands over it, all these small bites of random treats just weren't cutting it.

"Uh oh... now I'm wishing I brought the lunch dad made me." She said. Sakura darted her head and eyes around. "Maybe there's a piece of cake, a large blueberry, anything I could at least snack on." She said as she looked around the area. Just then, Sakura spotted a red stem with a single leaf on the top sticking out of the ground.

"Oh! Some vegetables sound nice!" Sakura said as she ran over to the stem and grabbed the top. The little girl gave the red stem a good tug, but to no avail. "Huh? Oh come on you... quit being stubborn!" Sakura groaned as she kept tugging at the stem. As she pulled and yanked, Sakura was well aware that whatever this thing was, it most likely would affect her body in someway.

It might make her head balloon to the size of a two story house, or maybe it would turn her into a frog like a witch would to an unfortunate person. But at this point she didn't really care, anything to eat would be good right now.

"Almost, got it!" Sakura said as she grunted cutely. With one final pull, she uprooted the strange object and it flew out of the dirt with a loud "Pop!" Sakura tumbled backwards and landed right on her rear end with a thud!

"Ow... not again..." she grunted as she stood up and wiped the dirt off of her skirt. Sakura quickly looked at her little red discovery, when right then and there, she saw a pair of little white eyes with black pupils looking right at her! In her hand was a strange little creature about the height of her knee with a pointed knee, three pointy fingers on each hand and three pointed toes on each foot. This odd little creature is what we know as a Pikmin!

"AHHH!" She screamed as she dropped the Pikmin and scrambled away from it, the little red figure let out a high pitched call and darted off to hide behind a large daisy! Sakura peeked out from behind a rock and saw the little creature peeking out and looking back at her. It quickly became apparent to her that this guy was just as scared as she was.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you!" Sakura called out to him. The Pikmin came out from behind the daisy and slowly approached Sakura, the little girl held out her hand as the Pikmin slowly crept towards her like a curious puppy, it's head tilted to one side and then the other.

"See? I'm friendly, I'm not going to hurt you!" Sakura chimed with a grin. The Pikmin quickly grabbed her hand and started to analyze it like a curious child. He quickly let go of her hand and darted off towards the tall grass, just stopping at the edge. The red creature let out another high pitched call and started frantically waving his arms around!

In only a matter of seconds, Sakura noticed tons of little eyes appearing behind the large blades of grass. Moment by moment several more Pikmin of different sizes and colors started to emerge. A yellow Pikmin with pointy elf ears walked up to Sakura and playfully tugged at her shirt sleeve, while a tiny white one with bright red eyes hopped onto her shoulders and ruffled her hair gently.

Sakura giggled and hoisted the white Pikmin off her head and back onto the ground. "I didn't realize how many friends you had!" She said as the Pikmin looked up at their tall visitor. "Maybe you guys could help me! I'm looking for a mushroom man, I saw him pass through here earlier and I'm not getting very far when I'm this small. Is there anyway I could grow big again?" She asked.

The Pikmin all looked at each other and made light chattering sounds when suddenly, one of them perked up! A fat purple one made jumped into the air and quickly spoke to his fellow Pikmin, who all jumped at once and started bouncing all over the place. A blue Pikmin ran up to Sakura and made a follow me motion with his hands.

"Oh! Ok, lead the way!" Sakura said with a grin, the blue Pikmin gently took her hand and, like a small army, the Pikmin lead Sakura into the grass forest. The Pikmin lead Sakura towards a small river and across a wooden bridge. On the other side of the bridge was a wooden house with a single metal chimney coming out the top.

What is this place?" Sakura asked herself as she noticed purple smoke coming out the windows and the chimney. One of the Pikmin gently pushed the door open for her and made a "Come on in!" motion. Sakura smiled, nodded, and slowly headed inside with the door closing behind her.

"Wait, what was that?" She asked, looking around.

"Ugh, Superman DATING Wonder Woman?" asked a snide, sarcastic voice, followed by a loud slurp, "Could they aim for the more obvious storylines?"

"Hm? What?" Sakura searched for the source, but saw a trail of purple smoke. She ran after it, following it to a room with rather dim lighting, save for the glow of a computer monitor, which seemed to be resting on a large bean bag chair.

"But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds."

No, it wasn't a beanbag chair. It was a man. A morbidly obese man with a blue shirt, red shorts, brown hair, an unshaven face, and (oddly enough) a yellow complexion.

"And who might YOU be?" He asked.

"Well, that's kind of hard to answer sir. I'm...not really sure anymore." Sakura said, "I've changed a lot since this morning that I'm kinda starting to forget who I really am…"

"Yes, yes, if I wanted to know your background, SAKURA KINOMOTO, I would read your Wikipedia page." He said, showing his computer had a picture of her face on it, "Now I need to edit it so 'utter babbler' will now be part of your personality traits."

"Right...you know who I am, so should I ask for YOUR name?" Sakura asked.

"No, for you see, unlike you, I maintain an air of mystique and mystery." He said...before adjusting his seat and pulling out a marshmallow peep, "So, THAT'S where you hid. Unfortunately, you've met your end." He then ate it.

Sakura sat down with an annoyed sigh, "Everything's so confusing now, it all seemed so normal this morning!"

"No, everything's quite as it should be. You just happen to be in the wrong franchise at the wrong time." The man stated, continuing to type away on his computer.

"Is that why I can't remember things as I used to?" she asked.

"One way to experiment on that, recite a poem." He said.

"Oh...um...how does the busy little bee-"

"STOP." The man said, "Worst recitation EVER. That is completely WRONG. Allow me to demonstrate."

The Comic Book Guy looked away from his computer and cleared his throat.

"How does the little crocodile improve his shining tail? And pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale? How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws, and welcomes little fishes in to his gently smiling jaws."

"That...wasn't even close. How in the world did you come up with that?" Sakura asked.

"You see, I searched high and low on every message boards to find a better version...then I simply threw their garbage suggestions aside and made my own, better one." Comic Book Guy said.

"This is who I have to deal with now..." Sakura thought to herself, irritably.

The little girl reached up to her head and rubbed her temple. She quickly inhaled and exhaled, quickly calming herself down. "Listen, sir, I was wondering if you could help me with something." Sakura said. Comic Book Guy darted his eyes away from his screen, looked over at Sakura and raised his eyebrow.

"Oh really? And what might that be? And please keep it short, I'm a very busy man in case you couldn't see that!" he barked at her. "I'm in a very intense bidding war for the long lost pilot for the failed Radioactive Man TV show on Betamax tape and I don't intend to lose it!" He said as he furiously typed.

"Okay, forget it, I don't think this is gonna work out. I'll find my own way…" Sakura growled, storming off.

"Wait, wait, hold up. I might have something to help." Comic Book Guy said, pulling a colorful mushroom out of a drawer, "This fungus should be able to aid you in your plight. One side should make you grow and the other side makes you shrink. Keep that in mind."

Uh... are you sure about this?" Sakura asked. "Do I look unsure to you?" Comic Book Guy asked. "Now please let me be, and if you do bite that thing, do it outside. I don't want my house to be destroyed and have me succumb to this bizarre world." he said as he kept typing away. Sakura looked down at the mushroom, it was a strange looking plant with a red cap with white polkadots on it.

Now as a really small child, Sakura was taught by her father to never eat wild mushrooms but giving the situation she was in, she was willing to take a risk. "Alright! Thank you!" Sakura said with a friendly smile and a wave. She took her leave by heading out the doorway she came in. "Tch, worst fanmake ever." Comic Book Guy said with a shake of his head.


	6. Have you seen the little piggies?

"Weirdest person ever…" Sakura murmured as she walked out of the building, quickly looking around for a spot to test her newfound item "Okay...let's see. This looks like a perfect spot!" She said as she found a nice smooth patch of dirt. "Right side makes me grow. So, I'm guessing that I should..."

She quickly shut her eyes and took a bite of the right side of the mushroom. Nothing happened...

"Ok, so far I feel alright. Does this thing have an expiration date? How else could something-" she then felt herself rapidly expanding upwards, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK?!"

Meanwhile, resting gently on a large branch was a quaint looking treehouse with a wreath made of leaves hanging on the front door and a wooden platform that served as the porch. In front of the door was a rug that read "Welcome!" in bright yellow letters.

The door opened and out stepped a pink dinosaur looking creature with a trumpet shaped mouth, long eyelashes and a big red bow on it's head. The creature, known to the residents of the land as Birdo, sighed peacefully and touched her cheek.

She twirled around daintily and put on an apron with the words "Home sweet home" sewn into the fabric. Birdo reached over to the side of her home and grabbed a broom, twirling around as she swept all the dust away as if she was dancing with it.

"Ahh, finally a home to call my own." Birdo chimed as she looked out over the horizon. "There's no way anything could-"

 ***FWOOSH!***

Birdo was immediately cut off as Sakura's massive head broke through the forest canopy and loomed over Birdo's house! "O-ok! Uh, that worked a little too well!" Sakura said as she looked down and saw she was now the size of one of those giant monsters she saw on TV.

When she saw what was going on, Birdo covered her cheeks in fear and began letting out a loud whirring sound from her tube shaped mouth! "My house! It's under attack! Someone help me!" Birdo shrieked as she reached down and picked up her broom. Like a player at home plate, Birdo started swinging the bristle end of her broom at Sakura's cheeks. "Go away you ugly monster!" Birdo called out.

"I'm not a monster!" Sakura yelped, wincing at the attack, "I'm a girl!"

"Oh you are huh?! Well I'll have you know there's only one giant woman in our land and she's the only one with any right to do so! Now go away you monster before I call the authorities!" Birdo screeched. Sakura gave her a deadpan expression and a sweatdrop appeared on her head.

"Jeez, do you think we could stop with all the name calling...?" she asked herself. "I thought I told you to go away!" Birdo screamed at her. "I'm working on it!" Sakura quickly said back as she held up the mushroom that was still clutched in her hand.

"That's just my luck, I move all the way out here for some peace and quiet and what do you know? A monster almost destroys my house!" Birdo ranted to herself with her arms crossed.

Sakura looked at the mushroom (that thankfully had grown with her). She picked off a piece of the left side and bit into it. A second later, she was shrinking at a rapid rate, screaming as she did so.

In a matter of moments, Sakura looked around her and saw she was back to her regular size! She held her arm up over her head just to make sure her reach was the same.

"Much better!" She happily said. "Hmm, I might save these for later, you never know." Sakura told herself as she put the rest of the mushroom in her pocket. "Now, to get back on track!" She said as she looked around. Only to have a sweatdrop appear on her head.

"But where to start, all this growing and shrinking really turned me around." she said. When suddenly, Sakura heard what sounded like footsteps. "Huh?" she asked as she headed towards the source of the noise. Sakura peeked through some nearby trees and saw a pathway with some bright diamond icons on it.

Riding along the path like a valiant knight on his noble steed was a turtle creature with a beaked mouth, a green shell and he was wearing little green shoes along with a footman uniform. A satchel was hanging from his side and he was riding a large bipedal bird creature with fluffy feathers known as a Chocobo.

The turtle creature, simple named Koopa, was happily singing to himself in a chirping like voice and him and his Chocobo trotted down the path.

"Huh... I wonder where they're going." Sakura said as her curious side took hold again. Before she knew it, she was following the strange duo down the road for what would be about 4 or 5 street blocks. Sakura quickly ducked down behind a tree and watched as the Kooopa stopped in front of a large body of water and dismounted the Chocobo.

Across the water, smack dab in the middle was a large odd looking castle made out of sand colored stone and the tops of it's spires were a bright red. The Koopa reached into his satchel and pulled out a blowing horn, the kind a Viking warrior would use to summon his fellow warriors to the battlefield.

The Koopa blew into the horn and a loud sound emitted from it, all the while Sakura watched from side. Suddenly, she noticed something shooting across the water towards the shore! A covered entrance bridge with a wooden door suddenly stopped right at the edge of the water, the tail end of it all the way back at the castle.

The wooden door opened up and out stepped a large snail about half the height of Sakura, it's body was a light shade of purple and on his back was a dark green curly shell. "Who goes there?" The snail asked in an annoyed tone. The Koopa chirped again and reached back into his satchel, he quickly pulled out a sealed envelope.

On the back of the envelope was a circle of dried sealing wax with the insignia of a diamond on it. "Oh, an invitation from her royal Diamond?" The snail asked before taking the envelope and opening it up. "Strange, usually she can't stand to be around Dedede. Maybe she finally lightened up." The snail said as he and the Koopa began to peruse the invitation.

"Dear King Dedede, you are hereby invited to join her royal Diamond for a game of croquet with her court. It would be an honor to have you attend this occasion..." the snail read as Sakura kept her distance. She looked past the two and saw the bridge just sitting there, and she smiled in excitement.

"Maybe just a peek inside wouldn't hurt..." she said as she snuck past the two and made her way into the entrance bridge. Right as she stepped into the doorway the entrance bridge quickly retracted and darted back towards the castle! "Ok, I'll let the king know he's wanted." The snail said as he placed the invitation into his shell.

Right as the Koopa rode off down the road, the snail, was not watching where he was going. He made his way to where the bridge should've been and much to his surprise, he fell right into the water with a loud splash!

"WAAH!" He shrieked as he landed!

Some random guy from the other side just let out a loud "HAW-HAW!"

"Who did that?" Sakura asked, trying to find the source, "Not important."

Sakura looked around at the area surrounding her, she was in a stone hallway that was decorated with fancy looking candelabras that were hanging from the walls and illuminating the area. The little girl slowly wandered down the hall and took in the scenery. "Gee, whoever lives here must be really important..." she thought as she continued to look around the castle.

Sakura then turned a corner at the end of the hall and saw a small red sphere shaped creature standing on top of a small ladder and wielding a featherduster. It was dusting off a statue of a creature with a long slender body, and the rest of it's body was a random mishmash of other creatures. It had two horns on it's head, one looked like a deer antler and the other looked like a ram's horn standing on end.

In the statue's mouth, a single fang was sticking out of it's chompers and as for it's hands, one looked like the talons of an eagle and theother the paw of a lion. The red creature then started to dust the statue's back, which had two wings sticking out and as usual, they were mismatched. This time the creature was sporting the wing of a bat and the wing of a bird.

And fianlly at the bottom were a set of un matching feet, one of them was the foot of a lizard and the other foot was that of a goat's cloven hoofed leg.

The red creature had finally stopped dusting the statue and wiped it's tiny forehead. "Hey, Waddle-dee! The south hallway could use a good mopping!" A loud voice down the hallway called out. The waddle-dee jumped in surprise and, picking up his small adder, he darted down the hall. Sakura took this oppurtunity do analyse the statue.

"What an odd decoration for someone to have..." She thought as she looked at the statue up and down. "You certainly would never see anyone back home have something like this." She thought some more. Finally, after she was all done, Sakura continued down the hallway... completely unaware one of the statue's eyes was watching her.

*Whoosh!*

Sakura heard a noise from behind her, she quickly turned her head to see if something was following her, only to see nothing there. "Huh? But I could've sword-" Sakura said when suddenly, she noticed that in a nearby painting of an apple orchard that was hanging on the wall, she noticed the stone creature, this time in glorious color, was laying underneath an apple tree. It was holding an apple in it's clawed grasp and it was also bearing a cocky looking smirk.

"Wait... but you were just..." Sakura said as she looked down the hall, noticing the statue was gone. "I think this place is finally getting to me..." Sakura said as she gently placed her hand on her cranium, slowly walking deeper into the castle. Just then, a rather nice smell filled Sakura's nostrils.

"Hmm?" she asked as she sniffed the air. Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Something smells tasty!" she said as she followed the scent! On the floor, the familiar shape of the stone creature from down the hall slithered across the floor like a shadow, silently following the young girl.

Sakura finally arrived at a wooden door and the scent she was following was now as strong as ever. "Looks like this is it!" Sakura chimed happily as she pushed the door open, seeing a kitchen on the other side. Sitting at a dining table was a humanoid penguin wearing a white and red coat and a redhat with a gold crown on the bottom.

Slaving over a hot kettle full of pepper soup was a round pink creature wearing a chef's hat and standing on a tall stool. Sakura noticed the creature had a really irritated look as it stirred random spices and ingredients into it's cooking pot. Right next to the penguin, Sakura noticed a bassinet with a bundle inside.

It didn't take her long to see that this bundle was a small baby boy wearing a yellow onesie, and the boy at the moment was crying his little eyes out. The penguin groaned and covered his ears. "Hey! Can't ya do anythin' about this here kid?!" he barked at the pink creature, who tured around put her hands on her hips.

"Jigglypuff! Jiggly puff-puff!" She said in a rather miffed tone, she the pointed her wooden spoon at the cooking pot full of soup. "Jiggly puff, Jigglypuff! Jiggly jiggly jigglypuff!" She said with a stern expression. "Doh alright, but just crackin' or you'll get a whackin'!" Dedede said as he swatted the air.

"Um...ex-excuse me sir?" Sakura asked, cautiously.

"WHAT?" The penguin shouted, irritably. "PUFF!" The puffball said, inflating a bit with an agitated look.

"That baby needs something." Sakura said, pointing at the wailing infant. Hmm?" The penguin asked, looking down at the screaming baby who was now kicking his tiny legs. "Oh that's just Dil, don't mind him. He's just being a baby." The penguin said with a shrug. "Jiggly...!" The pink puff fumed before getting back to work.

"Say, who in their right mind let ya in here?" The penguin asked Sakura as he roughly poked her in the chest. Sakura grunted a bit as she was pushed back by his large flipper hand. She growled lowly and rubbed her chest. "I didn't mean to intrude sir, my name's Sakura. I saw your door was open and I let myself in."

"Well that's good. Cause if that no good henchman of mine Escargoon let ya in, he'd be sauted and served up for dinner faster than ya could say Slitheytoves!" The penguin barked loudly. Sakura was rather confused at his choice of words but pretty much was expecting it at this point. "And, might I ask your name?" She politely asked as she put her hands behind her back.

"Name's King Dedede, I'm the ruler of this here castle! Everything you see in here belongs to me, no ifs, ands, or buts! Anyone who disagrees says hi to my trusty hammer!" King Dedede said as he reached into his coat and pulled out a large wooden mallet and brandished it proudly!

Sakura's eyes widened and she jumped back as the king held aloft his mallet. "Nobody messes with me once I pull this thing out I tell ya what!" King Dedede said as heput the hammer back into his coat. "I see..." Sakura said as she approached him again, all the while Dil kept wailing up to the point where his face was starting to turn red.

"So, uh, Mr. Dedede, if you don't mind me asking what exactly are you the king of? Are you the ruler of this world?" Sakura asked. Dedede reared his round head towards thegirl and narrowed his eyes. "Ya know, last time I checked that was none of ya business little lady! How would ya feel if I went around prowling in your business?! The world would sure move a lot quicker if people kept their noses out of each other's business!" he barked at her, causing Sakura to wince and step back.

"Sorry I asked..." She mumbled to herself. Dedede then looked over at his cook who was still hard at work. "Hey! Jigglypuff! Is dinner ready yet? I can feel myself rotting away over here!" King Dedede barked at the pink fluff. "Jigglypuff! Jiggly puff-puff!" She said loudly as she fumed with annoyance.

"That's no excuse! I hire you as my cook and I expect food pronto!" Dedede said as she slammed his large flippers on his dinner table. The volume of Dil's crying increased at that moment and Sakura winced as she quickly plugged her ears. "Sir! Can you please do something about that baby? I don't think I can take much more!" Sakura asked Dedede.

"Oh alright, come here you!" Dedede said as she reached into the bassinet and hoisted the baby out and placed him on his lap. "I know what'll calm ya down. My mom used to sing this to me all the time! Now let's see, how'd it go?" Dedede asked as he started to rougly rock the baby in his arms. 

"Careful! You'll hurt him!" Sakura said as she held out her hand in worry. "Would ya zip it?! I can handle this! Now where was I...? Oh yeah!" Dedede said as he cradled Dil in his arms. The penguin then started to sing in a horse tone to the infant with a big grin on his face.

 **Speak roughly to your little boy and beat 'em when he sneezes  
He only does it to annoy because he knows it teases!**

Off to the side, Jigglypuff was physically cringing with every word. As each second passed, Sakura noticed that she started to puff up with anger! "Uh sir... I think you should stop singing! I don't think your cook likes it!" Sakura pleaded with the king but it was pretty clear to her he wasn't listening.  
 **  
I speak severely to my boy, and beat 'em when he sneezes  
So he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper when he pleases!**

Finally, all the dreadful singing was too much for Jigglypuff's temper to handle! She inflated her body as far as it would go, Sakura could almost see the steam shooting from hear ears! The pink puffball deflated quickly, grabbed the nearest pot she could, and hurled it right at King Dedede!

*CLANG!* 

The pot collided with his head and in that moment, he fell forward and launched Dil into the air! Sakura gasped and covered her mouth! "Hold on, I got you!" She said as she jumped onto the dinner table with her arms out, Dil fell to the Earth and safely landed into Sakura's arms. "Got you!" she said with a smile. Sakura then gasped as King Dedede slowly rose up, and turned to Jigglypuff with anger in his eyes!

Sakura gulped, pondering whether or not she should start running.

Dedede hopped onto his dinner table right next to Sakura, who held Dil close to her! "Oh that's how you wanna play puffball?!" Dedede said loudly. Jigglypuff twirled her wooden spoon around like a tonfa and made a "Come on!" motion with her small hand. "Jigglypuff-puff!" She said as she fumed with anger.

"Oh yeah?! Then bring it on, give me your best shot!" Dedede said as she drew out his mallet and lunged at Jigglypuff! The kitchen was soon in chaos as pots and pans went flying everywhere!

Sakura slowly edged out with the baby in her arms before bolting.

"Let's get out of here!" She said as she darted out into the hallway. Sakura had never been more thankful for her running speed she inherited from her father. The little girl made it to the front doorway, still hearing the fight down the hallway. She quickly flipped a switch that activated the entrance bridge causing it to shoot back out over the lake and back to the shore.

Sakura quickly ran across the bridge with the baby still in her arms. She ran down the road as quick as she could and back into the nearby woods. "Whew... that was close... I didn't think we were going to make it." She said to Dil who finally ceased his crying. He babbled quietly and rubbed his small eyes.

"I'm glad I was able to get you out of there. Maybe we could find a store and get you some milk." Sakura said with a grin as she walked down a pathway. Dil babbled some more as Sakura looked down at him. "Try to get some sleep ok? If I were you I could use a nap after all that." She said. When all of the sudden, the sound of what appeared to be, snorting filled her ears.

"Hmm? Hey, are you ok?" She asked Dil as she looked down at him once again... only to see a pig snout where his nose used to be! Much to her surprise, Dil had transformed into a little piggy! His hands had become small trotters and pointed pig ears were sticking out of his head.

"Oink oink!" He said to her with a grin. "YAGH!" Sakura yelled, accidentally dropping the pig in surprise.

The pig hit the ground with a small thud as it frantically kicked it's stubby legs in an attempt to get up. The pig leaped to it's trotters and shook it's pink head, it looked up at Sakura with a cheeky grin before running off into the woods!

"Well I'll give him this. He does make a rather cute pig." Sakura giggled as the pig vanished from her sight.

"Ha ha ha, oh my goodness wasn't that just hysterical? You should've seen the look on your face!" A voice rang out. Sakura gasped and looked around quickly. "W-whose there?" she asked nervously as she backed up a bit.

"Oh I do apologize, how rude of me to not properly introduce myself. I'm up here child!" The voice said again. Sakura looked up at a nearby tree, and stretched out on one of the branches was the statue she saw inside Dedede's castle, now as a living breathing creature!

"...I'm starting to think that I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today." Sakura said, perplexed.

Not every day to see a draconequus is it?" The creature said as he slithered down the tree's trunk like a large snake and stood up in front of Sakura. "Oh and just so we're clear, you may call me... Discord!" The creature said in a smooth tone. He smirked and vanished in the blink of an eye, only to reappear right behind Sakura making her jump in surprise!

"So my darling, tell me, what brings you to this neck of the woods?" Discord asked as he looked down at the little girl.

"A lot of things, really." Sakura said, "I guess it started with the mushroom-headed man with a monocle..."

"Oh, that's not interested. Wouldn't you rather watch me shuffle the functions of every hole on your face?" Discord asked, eagerly.

"NO!" Sakura yelled.

"Spoil sport." Discord said.

"D-do you know anything about him?" Sakura asked.

"About who?"

"About the mushroom man."

"What mushroom man?"

"RGH! This place makes no sense." Sakura growled.

"Have you ever seen someone stand on your head?" Discord asked, standing...on his head, balancing perfectly on his dismembered cranium.

"This is going nowhere." Sakura sighed, storming off.

"Well, there's no fun in that. I'd recommend going SOMEWHERE." Discord said, pointing down a path "Like THAT way. It leads you to Deadpool, the Merc With the Mouth. Completely insane, but fun at charades."

"I'd...rather not meet with any more insane people." Sakura said.

"Well, you could always go meet with Pinkie Pie...but she's a few sandwiches shy of a picnic, too but I think you'd like her." Discord said.

"Wh-what?" Sakura asked.

"Oh yes, we're all QUITE mad here...you've probably gathered this, but it might surprise you to know, I'm not all there myself." Discord said as his body began to vanish. He then burst out laughing until only his face remained, "I'm funny."

POP!

Discord's face vanished into nothing.

"Goodness... remind me not to get on his bad side." Sakura said to herself as she continued on her way.


	7. The story of the curious oysters

She looked around the woods, finding the various twists and turns difficult to navigate.

"Everyone's mad here...what'd I do to deserve this?" Sakura murmured to herself as she looked at a log. She got down on her hands and knees, sticking her head into the log. "HELLO..." she heard her voice echo and smiled, "Heh. Nice sound."

She then began to crawl through the log. Unseen by her, three figures appeared. Whether they were monkeys, dogs, or cats wasn't clear, just that they had black fur, white faces, and red noses. One was rather tall and wore brown pants, the second was considerably shorter with a blue shirt and a red cap, while the last one wore a pink dress and had a yellow flower on her head.

"Hey, sibs, let's see what she's doin'." The tallest one said.

"Ooh! Maybe we could do girl things like do each other's makeup and talk about boys!" The one in the pink dress said as she pressed her hands together and fluttered her eyelashes. "Or maybe we could sit and have some lunch? Our last meal was 5 minutes ago and that's too long for me." The one in the red cap said in a voice that I could only describe as sounding like a Ringo Starr impression.

"Come on then! Let's go give her an old fashioned Warner welcome!" The tallest one said.

In perfect synchronization, the three darted over the log. The two brothers sat side-by-side while the sister stood behind them, the three taking up positions akin to Buckingham Palace soldiers, saluting as they did so. Sakura slowly crawled out the log, not noticing the three.

"Well, that did nothing." She murmured, slowly standing up... and coming right into contact with the shorter one's elbow.

CLANG!

THUD!

Sakura hit the ground, massaging her head, "Ow...what the...?"

She stood up and looked at the three, "Wait...are these dogs or cats? And what are they are they doing way out here?" she looked at the taller one's pants, finding a name embroidered on it, "Yakko..." she looked at the shorter one's hat, "Wakko..." then at the girl's dress, "And Dot? What weird names." She then spotted something on Yakko's neck-a collar with something written on it, "We're the Warner Brothers..."

"And the Warner Sister!" Dot added, speaking up for the first time.

Sakura yelled and recoiled, "Wh-what? You're alive? You can TALK?"

"Talk?" Yakko asked, "We can SING!"

The three then joined in chorus...

 _ **It's time for Animaniacs!**_  
 _ **And we're zany to the-**_

"Uh, listen you three seem nice, but I've got other places to be." Sakura said.

"Ah, c'mon!" Yakko said as the three blocked her way.

"We only JUST got here." Wakko said.

"And I'm planning a slumber party already, best friend!" Dot said, hugging Sakura and nearly knocking her over.

"Look, I'm just trying to find someone." Sakura said, "I got here following the mushroom man..."

"Well, why would you do a thing like that?" Wakko asked.

"I was kind of curious..." Sakura said.

"She was CURIOUS?" Wakko asked, horrified. "You know who else was curious?" Yakko asked, conspiratorially to his siblings.

"Yes...those poor oysters." Dot said before blowing her nose with a handkerchief. "Wait...oysters?" Sakura asked.

"Poor kids... so naïve to the ways of the world." Yakko said with a frown. Wakko turn off his red cap and pressed it against his chest. "Makes me cry every time..." he said. Sakura felt the roots of curiosity pulling at her brain yet again, wondering what exactly these folks were talking about.

"What happened to the oysters?" She asked. "No no, you're in a hurry. You have no time for us." Yakko said as he crossed his arms and shook his head. "Well... maybe I could take a bit of a break." Sakura said, making the Warners' eyes widen with excitement! "You can?!" They all asked in unison.

"Yay! Oh you're going to love this!" Dot said as she hugged Sakura's arm, nearly dragging her down in the process. "Wakko, get the snacks and some seats ready! And make it snappy, we don't have all day!" Yakko ordered, Wakko shook his head quickly and dared off to the side. Yakko walked over to Sakura and put his arm around her.

"You're going to love this one, Pixar's gonna be sweating in their seats when award night comes!" He said as he and Dot lead Sakura over to a tree with a really wide trunk. Yakko reached up into the leaves and pulled down a projector screen as Dot rolled in a film projector from out of nowhere. She reached behind her back and pulled out a reel of film

"Remember when we actually used real film? It's a dying art, tragedy ain't it?" She asked as she loaded the film into the projector. Just then, 4 theater seats slid in out of nowhere, catching Sakura off guard as she landed in one of the center seats.

"Eeep!" She shrieked as Wakko came back with buckets of popcorn, some boxes of candy and 4 large cups filled to the brim with soda. "The snack bar was having a sale! Everything was upgraded to a large!" he said as he plopped down next to Sakura and started to chow down!

3...  
2...  
1...

A hand held up a cardboard sign with a title written in marker.

"Presented by the Warner Brothers..." Yakko and Wakko's voices said as another hand held up a second sign.

"And the Warner Sister." Dot's voice added.

"The Hedgehog and the Film Critic!"

With that, the three showed up on screen, singing.

"The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all it's might!" Yakko said.

"He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright!" Wakko said, jumping into the air and turning into the sun.

"And this was off because it was..." Dot sang as she jumped into the air, turning into the moon.

"The middle of the night." Yakko concluded, showing a background that was split between mid-afternoon and midnight. The three then vanished as two men walked by. One was stocky, had glasses, a short beard, and a Kingdom Hearts T-Shirt under a Superman hoodie. The other was a hedgehog with black, green-highlighted fur, a denim jacket, and a red shirt. The Film Critic was obviously the one with the glasses. Meanwhile, the Warners sang...

"The Hedgehog and the Film Critic were walking close at hand..."

The hedgehog lagged behind, pulling off his shoe, a mountain of sand pouring out.

"The beach was wide from side-to-side, but much too full of sand."

"Mr. Film Critic!"

"The hedgehog called."

"My brain begins to perk!"

Out of the sand popped a can of Mountain Dew, the Critic picked it up and began drinking it as the hedgehog popped out of the mound, holding up a fistful of the sand.

"We'll sweep this clear in half a year...if you don't mind the work!"

"WORK?!" The Critic shouted, spitting out his Mountain Dew. He looked over with an annoyed look, "THE TIME HAS COME!"

"The Critic said..."

The Critic winked at the audience before continuing, "To talk of OTHER things! Of crud and junk and films that suck and of vegetables and kings! And why my nose is full of snot and whether pigs have wings! CALOO, CALAY, NO WORK TODAY!" He then grabbed the Hedgehog by the neck, "WE'RE THE CRAPWADS AND THE KINGS!"

He then booted the Hedgehog out of the sand, sending him head-first into a nearby tidepool...where he saw a group of oysters. He looked out, "HEY, CRITIC! LUNCH!"

The Critic heard the word "lunch" and ran over, salivating. The Hedgehog pulled out a gun-shaped sword and made to walk in...only for the Critic to stop him. He walked into the water...somehow breathing under it. The oysters retreated into their shells, but the Critic knocked on them like a door.

"Uh...little oysters? Come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright. A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk would be a sheer delight." The Critic said, a sly look on his face...

Unfortunately, the Hedgehog looked in at that point and chimed in, "Yes and, should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and have a bite!"

"Don't be crude!" Steel snapped, pulling out a hammer to thump the Hedgehog.

"But Mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her happy head." The Warners sang. The Mother Oyster looked at the nearby calendar, her eyes widening as she saw it was 'March'. Oysters were in season in every month with an 'R' in it, "She knew too well that this was no time to leave her oyster bed..."

"The sea is nice, take my advice and stay right here."

"Mom said."

The Critic looked irritated. He was hungry and wanted food NOW. He walked over and almost off-handedly kicked the Mother away.

"Yes, yes, of course, of course." He said, "But aha! The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other things! Of shoes and...shoes and sealing...shoes. And more freaking SHOES. And why my shoes are boiling hot..." He looked at his own sneakers, an uncomfortable look on his face, "And whether pigs have...SHOES!"

He was stuck on shoes for some reason. The oysters seemed to find this amusing, though.

"Caloo, calay, come run away! We're the crackheads and the kings!" He then pulled out a phone and began leading the oysters away with a triumphant orchestral score.

As The Critic led the oysters away, The Hedgehog rapidly built a seafood restaurant out of random flotsam and jetsam that floated up on the beach. How? God only knew. But the Critic led the oysters inside.

A short time later, the Critic had them sitting around a table. He tied a napkin around his neck and said, "Well now, let me see..."

The Hedgehog darted onto the other side of the table, knife and fork in hand and a hungry look on his face. The Critic looked around and an idea clicked. An awful idea...

"Ah, a loaf of bread is what we chiefly need!"

"Gotcha!" The Hedgehog winked before running off. The Critic reached out for the oysters, a malicious look on his face...but the Hedgehog looked back in, "How about some pepper, salt, and vinegar, eh?"

The Critic retreated behind his menu, "Uh...yes, splendid idea! Very good indeed!"

The Hedgehog gave the thumbs'-up before retreating into the kitchen. The Critic then took this as his chance...

"Now, if you're ready, oysters dear..." he chuckled, evilly, "We can begin the feed..."

"FEED?!" At that moment, the oysters noticed that the menu only had one item on it...

"Ah, yes!" The Critic proclaimed, scooping them all up, "The time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things!"

In the kitchen, the Hedgehog prepared a sauce with a loaf of bread as he sang to himself.

"Of pepper corns and mustard seeds and other seasonings! We'll mix 'em all together in a sauce that's fit for kings! Caloo, calay, we'll eat today...like film critics and kings!"

He skipped out, a song in his heart and whistling a merry tune. He placed it in the center...finding an oddly emotional Critic.

"I weep for you, I *hic!* deeply sympathize. For I've enjoyed your company so much more than you realize..."

"Little oysters! Little oysters!" The Hedgehog called, looking around. He checked under his plate...nothing. A creeping suspicion rose in him as he looked over the table...

"But answer there came none...and this was scarcely off because..."

The Hedgehog looked behind the menu to find a plate full of empty shells.

"THEY'D BEEN EATEN! Every one!"

The Critic looked a bit sheepish as he began to make a b-line for the door...but the Hedgehog was not pleased.

"YOU FILTHY SWINE!" he shouted, pulling out his Gun-Blade, "I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Oh crap." The Critic said, "THE TIME HAS COME!"

He then bolted out the wall, leaving a perfect, Critic-shaped hole in it as he ran as fast as he could, the Hedgehog right on his tail.

"They're cabbages! And KINGS!" the Warners sang in unison.

 **Fin**

Directing: Yakko Warner  
Costumes: Dot Warner  
Camerawork: Wakko Warner  
Catering: Wakko Warner  
Landscaping: Yakko Warner  
Theray: Dot Warner  
The Critic: Toho...

The film ran out at that point.

"...well that was, ok I guess." Sakura said as she stared at the screen with a really confused look. "Bravo! OSCAR WORTHY!" Dot called, weeping.

"Ten outta ten, BEST FILM." Wakko said.

"And I guess it was a little sad. Those poor oysters." Sakura added with a shake of her head. "Yes indeed, and there was a VERY important moral to it." Yakko nodded.

"Yes, VERY important if you're an oyster." Sakura replied as she stood up, "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Oh but wait! There's more, tons more!" Dot said as she hugged Sakura's arm and dragged her back to her seat. "We've got about 5 hours worth of public domain cartoons waiting to be watched!" Yakko said as he pulled up a box full of dusty film canisters.

"After all, don't want those nasty copyright folks to jump on us."

"But, to start us off..." Wakko said, blowing a pitch pipe. The three Warners then began to sing again.

 _ **It's time for Animaniacs!**_  
 _ **And we're zany to the max!**_  
 _ **So just sit back and relax,**_  
 _ **You'll laugh 'til you collapse!**_  
 _ **We're Animaniacs!**_

As the three siblings belted their song, Sakura smiled nervously, trying her best to be polite. As soon as their backs were turned, she quickly got up from her seat and began backing away.

 **Come join the Warner Brothers-**

 _And the Warner Sister, Dot!_

"That's it, keep singing, don't mind me…" Sakura thought as she kept backing off, hoping that she wasn't going to be caught.

 _ **Just for fun, we run around the Warner Movie Lot!**_  
 _ **They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught!**_  
 _ **But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot!**_

 _ **We're Animaniacs!**_

 _ **Dot is cute and Yakko yaks!**_  
 _ **Wakko packs away the snacks while Bill Clinton plays the sax!**_

 _ **We're Animaniacs!**_

Sakura used this as a chance to escape the three weirdos. Any longer and she most likely would have been driven to the point of insanity. She turned heel and darted off into the forest.

After running for a while, Sakura ducked behind a tree and took a backwards glance just to be sure she wasn't being followed.

Much to her relief, she wasn't. Sakura let out a sigh of relief and slid down the tree trunk, having a seat on the forest floor.

"After that I could really use a nap…" she said in a drowsy voice.


	8. The Mad Tea Party

However, before Sakura could get a wink of sleep, she was interrupted by a loud sound!

 **BANG!**

Sakura jumped awake and looked ahead towards where the noise came from. "What was that?!" she asked in surprise. "Yee-haw! Woo-hoo!" A voice called out as more banging noises erupted from the woods!

"What's going on over there?" She asked herself as she made her way down a path, her curiosity taking grasp once again. A distance down the trail, Sakura came upon a quaint looking cottage.

In the front yard of the cottage was a large umbrella tree with Chinese style lanterns dangling from it's branches, each one lit and emitting a warm glow. Right underneath the tree was a long table, decorated with tea pots, cakes of almost every shape and size, and confetti littered all over the place.

Sitting at the table was a man in a red and black suit and a mask next to a pink pony with big, blue eyes and a crazy frizzled mane, a symbol of balloons upon her flank. Sitting not far away was an alligator with violet eyes and a thousand yard stare, being completely ignored by the other two as they chatted away.

The table was large, but the three guests were all gathered in one spot as they helped themselves to their party treats.

"More tea coming right up!" The pink pony said as she stretched one of her legs all the way across the table and snagged one of the tea pots before pouring the contents into a tea cup.

The man in red and black put his hand on his cheek and waved it daintily. "Oh Pinkie, you shouldn't have!" he said. The pink pony ducked under the table quickly and came back up wearing a top hat and monocle.

"Anything for you good sir, this be a tea party after all!" She said in a phony British accent. Sakura giggled as she watched the madness going on in front of her. "These two seem harmless. Maybe just one more stop wouldn't hurt." She thought. She left her hiding spot and raised her arm, giving the two a wave. "Excuse me!"

The two tea drinkers turned their heads with the pony's hat and monocle going flying. "Hey, uh, I don't know if anyone told you this angel face, there's no room! We're in the middle of having a tea party and you can't go barging in when there isn't any room!" The man in red, who we in the real world know as Deadpool barked at Sakura as he nonchalantly, poured himself more tea till it began to overflow.

Sakura looked at their party table and saw loads of empty chairs surrounding it. "What are you talking about? There's plenty of room!" She chimed in. Deadpool and his pony pal looked and saw the empty seats. "Well what do you know...?" The pony said. "You'd think we notice things like that." Deadpool said.

"Well in that case, have a seat! The more people at a party the merrier! My name's Pinkie Pie, what's yours?" The pink pony asked as Sakura sat in an arm chair. "I'm Sakura Kinomoto, it's nice to meet the two of you!" She said with a grin. "Oh don't forget about Gummy here, little guy doesn't have any teeth, tragedy ain't it?" Deadpool asked as the baby alligator kept staring out into space.

He turned his head a bit and opened up his mouth to let out a small growl before he waddled over to a plate of jelly sandwiches and started gulping them down one by one. "Aww, he's cute!" Sakura gushed.

The little girl grabbed a cucumber sandwich and ate it with only two bites. Grabbing another one she began to speak to the party guests. "Before I forget, I was hoping you could help me find someone."

Ah, but you can't find something without two things!" Deadpool said, "Firstly, tea! Normally, my mix is like ninety percent whiskey, but even my voices have issues with serving that to a minor."

 **Yellow Voice: She'd look so cute if we got her tipsy, though! Just think of it, her little cheeks all red and her eyes going all over the place!**

 _White Voice: NO. Guns can't kill us. Swords can't kill us. Bombs can't kill us. But the FBI shutting down our book's circulation CAN._

Deadpool poured a cup of tea before handing it to Sakura. "And the second thing?" She asked, sticking out her pinky finger like a fancy person.

"GUNFIRE." Deadpool said, pulling out two M16's and multiple gun belts.

"I see... how very lively." Sakura whimpered, edging away from the man in red, "So, whose birthday party is-"

"BIRTHDAY?" Pinkie shouted, offended, as she took Sakura's cup of tea, "Listen here, this is NOT a birthday party!"

"Then what is it?" Sakura asked...not noticing as Gummy swiped her sandwich.

"It's an UNBIRTHDAY party!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"What's an Unbirthday Party?" Sakura asked.

"Okay, see, if thirty days have September...wait, no." Pinkie murmured, "It's...I know what you did last...no. There once was a man from Nantucket..." she scratched her head before looking at the reader, "Can you believe it? She doesn't know what an unbirthday is."

"Allow me to explain this to you as best I can…" Deadpool said, slinging an arm over Sakura's shoulders and taking a deep breathe.

"Is today your birthday?" he asked, causing Sakura to look at him with a perplexed expression. "Uh, no, it's not." She replied. Pinkie gasped and shot up into the air!

"Then that makes it your unbirthday!" She cheered as she reached down and pulled up a sash that had "Unbirthday Girl" written on it with gold lettering. She draped the sash over Sakura's shoulder and as Deadpool wheeled out a cake on a tray with a large striped candle sticking out the top.

"Ok lady of the hour, you know what to do!" He said. Sakura grinned and blew out the candle resulting in the cake flying into the air and exploding like a firework. Oddly enough, the sparks seemed to form into the phrase "Everyone's a Titan!" before dissolving.

"And now, free-form poetry by our very own Gummy! TAKE IT AWAY!" Pinkie proclaimed, gesturing to the alligator. The reptile remained still, its eyes continuing in their stare, as it said nothing...or appeared to as Pinkie blew into a handkerchief, "He has such a way with words..."

"BRAVO! BRAVO! ENCORE, ENCORE!" Deadpool cheered, throwing a rose at the alligator. Sakura was confused.

Inside the alligator's head, though...

"What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for the right way to create a fanmake? And what is a fanmake, but a solid reminder that we're one bad review away from oblivion? And what of the poor gator forever unable to articulate his thoughts. Destined to an existential swim down the river of life to an unknowable destiny?" he then licked his blank eye.

"Well, that was very nice." Sakura said, sitting down.

"Now, as you were saying, girlie..." Deadpool said, dunking a saucer into a cup of tea before taking a bite out of it like it was a cookie, "What brings you to our humble little party?"

"Well, I was looking for a-"

"CHANGE PLACES!" Deadpool shouted, loudly.

"But I just sat down." Sakura said.

"Oh, I don't think you understand..." Deadpool said, drawing a handgun and pulling back the hammer, "CHANGE PLACES."

Sakura yelled and ran to the next chair down...only for Deadpool to pull the trigger.

 _CLICK! CLICK!_

"It's not real." He said, cheerily, "Phantos took my guns away after I winged Steel. But I had to! HE WAS TRYING TO EAT THE LAST CHEESY PUFF!"

"Which means MORE CAKE!" Pinkie cheered, pulling out a cannon and firing it. The result was confetti, a new tea set, and a fresh cake that landed right in front of Sakura.

Deadpool then reached behind his back and unsheathed two katanas with a loud "SNIKT!" sound! "Cake time!" he said as she sliced through the cake with clean cut after clean cut! "En garde, touche! Gesundheit!" Deadpool said as he sliced the cake! The pieces of the cake flew into the air, all the while Sakura watched with her jaw dropped!

They landed on some plates in front of the party goers and Sakura clapped her hands! Deadpool bowed and put his katanas back before plopping down into the seat next to the little girl. "And that my dear, is how to properly serve cake." He said as he took a huge bite out of his slice.

"Ok, so now you can tell us why you're here, the suspense is killing me!" Deadpool chirped. "And please start from the beginning!" Pinkie said happily. "Oh this is so exciting, I love a good story!" She squealed in delight.

"Alright, so it all started when I was with my best friend Tomoyo. We were on a field trip at a shrine when I saw this little mushroom man run by! So I started to follow him an-" Sakura said before Deadpool cut in. "Stop! Sorry kid, this stories really interesting but I have to ask you something, it's really bugging me!" he said.

"Um, alright! What do you want to ask?" Sakura politely said. "Very well! So your question is..." Deadpool said as he leaned forward. "Why is a raven, like a writing desk?"

"I...uh...don't understand the question." Sakura said.

"What question?" Deadpool asked.

"Your question."

"Be a little more specific. I ask a lotta questions." Deadpool said, "Most often ones that go to my therapist that are along the lines of 'Should I be hearing voices?' only to get the answer 'You don't HAVE a therapist'."

"Why's a raven like a writing desk?" Sakura asked, starting to get annoyed.

"Why's a raven like a...WRITING DESK?!" Deadpool shouted, jumping back in horror before Pinkie Pie clutched onto him.

"I always figured...she's off her rocker." She said in a terrified squeak.

"Your daughter's always the one who seems most sane." Deadpool said.

"B-but it was YOUR question." Sakura said.

"Hey, easy. No need to get riled." Deadpool said, backing away with a chair out in front of him.

"Yeah, just calm down with a nice cup of tea." Pinkie added, holding out a fresh cup while still clinging to the red gunman.

"...Uh, I should get going now." Sakura said to the pair as she took off her sash and placed it in her chair. "Thanks for the tea!" She said with a friendly wave.

"Oh dear, oh dear, OH DEAR!" came a familiar voice.

"Wait, is that...?" Sakura asked, stopping...and getting bowled over as Toadswoth ran past. She gasped and widened her eyes. "It is!" she said.

"I'm late! I'm late!" he yelled, looking at his watch.

"May I offer my assistance?" Deadpool asked, swiping it and looking at it, "Just as I feared! NURSE, CLEAR THE OPERATING TABLE!"

"On it, Dr. Pool!" Pinkie said, now wearing medical scrubs and a face mask. She used Gummy to clear off a spot, resulting in a clatter. Deadpool (who was now also wearing scrubs and a medical mask...over his mask).

"Wh-what is it?" Toadsworth asked.

"Prepare the OR!" Deadpool shouted, holding the watch up to his ear. He took a sharp hiss before saying, "Just as I feared...YOUR WATCH IS TWO DAYS SLOW!"

"What?!" Toadsworth asked as he grabbed his round head. "B-but it was working fine a minute ago!" he babbled in fright. "Sorry buddy, looks like we'll have to look into this! Making the incision... now!" Deadpool said as he opened up the watch's outer casing, revealing all the gears inside.

*GASP!* Deadpool reeled in horror and covered his mouth. "What is it doctor?!" Pinkie asked as she stuck her head in to take a look. "We've got a bad case on our hands... this watch is full of nothing but wheels and doohickies! Nurse, I need a pair of tweezers stat!" Deadpool said. Pinkie reached down under the table and pulled up a medical bag and placed it onto the table.

She opened it up and started looking around it before letting out a loud "A-ha!" she held up a pair of tweezers on the flat part of her hoof. "Good!" Dedpool said as he started picking around inside the watch with the tweezers. He started picking out several types of cogs, springs and anything else that didn't look right.

"What are you doing?! Stop, oh my watch!" Toadsworth said as he darted towards the impromptu operation. Pinkie stood in front of him and placed her hooves on his shoulders. "Stay back sir! This is a very delicate procedure and we can't have civilian interference!" She said.

"Nurse, we need to patch this guy up. Marmalade!" Deadpool said as he held out his gloved hand. "Marmalade!" Pinkie said as she rolled a jar full of marmalade towards Deadpool. He scooped some up into a spoon and dropped it into the watch with a big "plop!"

"Don't you die on me! Nurse, we're losing this guy! I need some tea!" Deadpool barked, Pinkie quickly handed him a full pot of tea. "Live you fool! I can't lose another one, I'll loose my license for sure!" Deadpool said as she poured the tea into the marmalade filled watch. "Oh please be careful! All that gunk inside, there'll be ants in it!" Toadsworth said.

"Ketchup and mustard!" Pinkie said as she held up some red and yellow bottles. "Ketchup and mustard, why didn't I think of that?!" Deadpool said as he squirted the condiments into the watch. "Let's see, there's something missing..." Deadpool said as she scratched his chin. "Well duh! Lemon and lime!" Pinkie said as she held up two small bowls full of lemon and lime wedges.

Deadpool smacked himself in the head. "Brilliant! That's the missing component!" he said as he grabbed some lemon and lime wedges and squeezed the juice into the watch! He then dropped the empty slices into the jumbled up watch and slammed the lid down.

"There you go, he should be A-ok!" Deadpool said with a thumbs up. Suddenly, the watch started to spasm out and jump around the table, as if it had just been possessed! "What's it doing?" Sakura asked as she covered her cheeks. "Oh no! Nurse, we have a Mad Watch on our hands!" Deadpool said as Pinkie gasped loudly!

"Not a Mad Watch! Oh doctor, you have to do something!" Pinkie shrieked as she grabbed Deadpool's shoulders and shook him violently! All the while the watch violently jumped up and down on the table, making all kinds of horrible sputtering and clanking noises.

"There's only one thing to do!" Deadpool said as he quickly pried Pinkie off. He reached down towards his utility belt and pulled out a handgun! He cocked the weapon and pointed it at the watch. Sakura and Toadsworth gasped and ducked under the table, covering their heads!

"I'm so sorry... please forgive me!" Deadpool said to the watch before pulling the trigger and a bullet pierced the watch, stopping it dead in it's tracks and finally putting it out of it's misery. Deadpool and Pinkie looked down at the watch just to make sure it was finally dead.

"...Call it Pinkie." Deadpool said. Toadsworth and Sakura raised their heads up and saw what had happened. "Oh my poor watch..." Toadsworth said as he grabbed the watch's mangled up body and looked down at it. Sakura frowned and gently put her hand over her chest, feeling sorry for both the watch and Toadsworth. "It was a gift from my Mama Toadsworth too..." he said.

"Well now that that's out of the way, let's discuss payment!" Deadpool said as he ditched his medical garb and zoomed over to the mushroom man and pulled out a calculator. "Huh...?" Toadsworth asked. Deadpool started typing away at the calculator and muttered to himself.

"So divide by 2, add 34, divide again by 67, minus 8... and it looks like your total adds up to 347 dollars and 72 cents!" Deadpool said as she held out his hand, expecting money to land in it. "Oh but uh, I-I don't have that money! I don't get paid by her royal Diamond until the end of the month!" Toadsworth said.

"...Excuse me?" Deadpool asked in an offended tone. He then reached down into one of his belt pockets and pulled out, of all things, a bazooka! "Well in that case, do me a favor..." He said as she grabbed Toadsworth by the collar and shoved him into the bazooka. "And GET LOST!" Deadpool shouted as she fired his weapon, sending Toadsworth flying into the air and into the nearby woods!

"WAHOO!" Toadsworth howled as he went flying!

Sakura... took that as her cue to run off. These two were probably the least stable out of everyone she had encountered thus far. She bolted from the table into the woods.

"Wait...someone else was here, wasn't there?" Deadpool asked.

"Hmmm...Gummy, was there?" Pinkie asked the alligator, "Gummy says there was a party of twenty."

"Huh. That seems unusual. Eh, MORE TEA!" Deadpool shouted, pouring a cup that he chugged down, "And I just realized...I HATE TEA!"

Deep in the forest, Sakura just ran, following the path as quickly as she could. She had to get out of here before something else, more insane happened.


	9. The Serpent and the Minotaur

"That was easily the worst tea party I've ever been to..." Sakura muttered to herself as she shook her head in disapproval. "I think I've had enough of this nonsense, I'm going home!" She announced loudly as she stomped her way through the forest.

"That no good mushroom man… if it wasn't for him I'd be enjoying my field trip!" Sakura growled as she clenched her small hands. She was so frustrated that if you looked closely, you might've seen steam coming out of her ears.

That quickly subsided when she noticed a sign hanging from a tree. "Tulgey wood… that's strange, I don't remember this…" Sakura thought as she put her palm to her chin, deep in thought.

"Did I take a wrong turn somewhere?" She asked herself. She looked around the forest, realizing for the first time that she was completely lost. Everything that surrounded her began to look the same.

"Now let's see... where did I...?" she asked as she looked around. Sakura felt her little heart drop a bit, she turned around to see if she could find a landmark to use, but nothing she walked by looked familiar. "Huh? But I could've sworn there was a path right here!" Sakura said as she darted her head back and forth.

There was no doubt about it. She was utterly lost. Instantly, fear began to take hold and her vulnerable side began to show. Sakura sunk to her knees, covered her face with her hands, and began to weep.

"W-why did I ever come here...?" she asked herself. "I should've just stayed with the others back home..." she said as she wiped her small eyes. "But no, I had to let my curiousity get the better of me!" She said as more tears began to fall.

"Now I'll never see anyone again... Tomoyo, Li, Toya, dad..." She whimpered as she looked around at the woods that seemed to be closing in on her. "I-I guess I could just, wait here until someone found me. I've heard that's a good thing to do if you're lost..." She said to herself. She gulped a bit and hugged herself.

"But... who'd ever think to look for me here...?"

"Well...I could think of one or two."

Sakura looked around, seeing a familiar face...literally. Just a face floating in the middle of the trees. It then shifted into the head, neck, torso, arms, waist, legs, and tail of Discord.

"Oh...Discord... it's you…" Sakura said, weakly. She quickly stood up and wiped her eyes as best she could.

"Well, didn't expect this." Discord commented, looking concerned, "So, what's wrong, little girl?"

"I'm… lost." Sakura sniffled, "I just want to go home...but I can't find my way."

"Oh? And do tell, what happened to your little mushroom friend?" Discord asked as he floated down from the trees and landed in front of Sakura. "Oh please don't mention mushrooms..." Sakura told to Discord with a shake of her head. "I want to go home!" She said as she quickly wiped her eyes.

"Well, you've got two problems on your hands." Discord said as he suddenly, in the blink of an eye, sprouted another head! Sakura jumped in surprise. "On one hand, you're terribly lost!" The head on the right said to the little girl, the right head looked over to the one on the left. "And on the other hand, you also are not only lost, but have no sense of where you're going." The left head explained. Just then, Discord poked the left head with one of his sharp claws and it ***Popped!*** just like a balloon!

"So by all accounts my dear, you're basically trapped like a rat in a maze. Although, I think I know someone who can be able to help you." Discord said with a smirk. "You do? Oh please, tell me!" Sakura pleaded with a huge grin.

"Why her Royal Diamond of course! She'd be so delighted to meet you, absolutely delighted!" Discord gleefully said. "You have no idea how much she loves visitors." he said as he covered his cheeks in joy.

"I've heard about this Royal Diamond while I've been here, who is she exactly? I-If you don't mind me asking!" Sakura said politely. "Why she's the ruler of the land, all you see before you belongs to her!" Discord said as she placed his arm around Sakura and waved the other around at the surrounding woods.

"She's the queen of the hill, large and in charge!" Discord said as his eyes became filled with hearts, several small hearts appeared and floated around his head. "Uh, I see... so where can I find her?" Sakura asked. Discord snapped back to "reality" and all the hearts disappeared like popped bubbles.

"I could send you the long way..." Discord said as she scratched his chin in thought. He slowly walked over to a large tree and leaned against it, still clearly thinking as hard as he could. "But seeing as how I'm in a good mood, I'll direct you to the shortcut!" he said as he hit the tree with his fist!

Just then, a piece of the tree's trunk creaked open like a small drawbridge, revealing another part of the world on the inside! Discord quickly vanished into the darkness as Sakura's eyes widened at the sight. "Oh wow!" She said as she ventured into the entrance.

Sakura's jaw dropped at the sight before her, glimmering gemstones in the shapes of flowers were hanging from neon green bushes, some trees made of pure gems were sitting nearby. Sakura slowly walked up to one of the trees and placed her hand against it, feeling it's smooth trunk.

The trunk was made of chatoyant quartz and the glittering green leaves were made of emeralds! "This is so beautiful!" Sakura said as she looked around at the garden that surrounded her. The sound of running water suddenly filled her ears, she headed forward and came across a small stream running through the garden filled with the most crystal clear water she'd ever seen in her life!

Sakura giggled a little and knelt down towards the stream, she dipped her fingers into it and smiled at the cool feeling that overcame her hand. But, unbeknownst to her, a creature high up in one of the crystal trees was watching her from afar.

"Sssay now, what have where?" the creature asked as Sakura got up, shook the water off her hand and continued exploring. "Why it'ssss a visitor, we don't ssssee those much around here." The creature hissed with a rather distinctive hiss. "Perhaps I shall go introduccce mysssself."

Sakura looked around, her despair having melted away to awe and wonder as she took in the sights, walking along the way.

The large creature, which I'm sure you've all been able to discover was a large snake, silently crept up behind Sakura, as silent as a ghost. The snake raised the front part of it's body and hissed quietly, it's whole body was as black as night and it had two sharp fangs sticking out of it's mouth!

The large serpent raised it's tail and poked Sakura on the shoulder with the tip of it. "Hmm?" Sakura asked as she slowly turned around. She was met with a pair of slitted eyes looking right at her!

"Ahh!" She yelled and recoiled at the sight and fell the ground! Sakura crawled backwards and covered her eyes with her palms! "Don't eat me!" She pleaded!

"Oh! Oh my word, I'm sorry!" The snake gasped in surprise, covering it's mouth with his tail. "I didn't mean to frighten you, please forgive me!" he said frantically. Sakura held up her arms in defense and blinked in surprise at the snake.

"Y-you're not going to hypnotize me are you?" she asked. "What? Oh my goodness, of course not!" The snake hissed. "Not all snakes have the power to do that you know." he said with a grin.

"Oh, thank goodness." Sakura sighed, "I was scared I was gonna be somebody's dinner."

"I get that a lot." The snake nodded. He moved his long tail down towards Sakura and gently wrapped it around her waist, lifting her back up to her feet and dusting her uniform off.

"Anyway, my name isss Ink! I am known around these partssss as the Incredibly Deadly Viper!" The large snake said. Sakura was rather confused at how such a kind creature would have such a name. "Huh? But you don't seem deadly in the slightest!" She said.

"I know, it's jusssst a nickname her Royal Diamond gave me to keep intruderssss out of her garden." Ink hissed. "Oh! Tell me young woman, have you met my friend, the minotaur?" he asked.

"W-wait, minotaur?" Sakura asked, scared. She had heard of that particular monster before. Her brother would often tease her by saying the minotaur was fond of eating little girls.

"You have no reassson to be sssscared child! The minotaur who livessss here with me, Eduardo, he'ssss a giant teddy bear! Walk with me and I sssshall take you to meet him!" Ink said.

"Okay, if you say so." Sakura replied. "Trussst me darling, you're in for a treat!" Ink said as his large body lithered across the garden floor with Sakura right next to him. the two wandered through the crystalized garden with Sakura taking in more of the lovely sights. She imagined all of the jewelry one could make with all the gemstones in this place!

Eventually, the two ended up at the end of the stream, where a pond rested peacefully among the bedazzled plants. Sitting near the edge of the pond, Sakura noticed a large creature, about twice the size of her. It was a large minotaur with purple fur, hoofed hands, a devil tail, large front teeth sticking out of it's mouth, and it was wearing a pair of grey pants with a skull belt buckle.

The poor creature had his face in his hoofed hands and he was sobbing hard, large blue tears were pouring out of his eyes, down his cheeks and onto the ground making audible *Drip drop, drip drop* noises. "Oh! Is he alright?" Sakura asked in worry. "He'ssss perfectly fine, poor Eduardo every now and then will think of his life back in Monster Sssschool." Ink said as he went over to his large companion.

"Monster school...?" Sakura asked as she scratched her head. "I've never heard of a place like that." she thought. Ink went up to the weeping minotaur and tapped him on the shoulder with this tail. "Eduardo, look! I've brought usss a visitor!" Ink said happily. Eduardo dried his tears and looked up to see Sakura standing right in front of him.

"Hello Eduardo, I'm Sakura Kinomoto!" Sakura said as she bowed to him. "It's nice to meet you." She said with a grin. "Eduardo is happy to meet you too..." Eduardo said in a really thick Mexican accent. He reached up and took Sakura's hand into his claws and shook it gently. "Eduardo is sorry for crying, it's just Eduardo is thinking about being a little minotaur back in Monster School..." Eduardo said as he pressed his claws together and looked up at the sky.

"If you don't mind me asking Eduardo, how exactly does monster school work? Do you have to take tests and go outside and exercise like I do at my school?" Sakura asked. "Oh! Si si!" Eduardo said as his mouth sprouted a grin and he shook his head up and down. "Our teacher, he was this large monstro, almost as big as Senorita Diamante!"

Ink smiled warmly and moved some of his body towards where the group was standing. Sakura felt his large coils brush against the back of her legs, she jumped a bit and looked down only to smile and gently place her back end onto Ink's coils. "Go ahead Eduardo." he said.

"Ok so, in monster school, we drew, and-and we sang monster songs, and if Eduardo was a good little Chico he got apple juice and a cookie!" Eduardo said with his toothy grin. "Oh! That sounds nice, I wish my school gave us treats like that. They usually do stuff like that for the kindergarten kids." Sakura said.

"Continue Eduardo." Ink said. "Oh and the songs! Eduardo's music teacher would teach us all songs and we would sing them day in and day out!" Eduardo said as he clapped his clawed hands together. "What was that one about the dancing lobsters you taught me?" Ink asked his furry friend.

"Oh! The Lobster Quadrille! Senorita Sakura, you have to see this!" Eduardo said as he reached behind his back and pulled out a violin. He plucked a few of the strings to see if they were properly tuned, and as he did, Sakura noticed several bright red lobsters along with some rainbow trout crawl out of the garden pond!

"Looksss like our dancerssss have arrived! Thisss particular ssssong has a dance that goessss along with it!" Ink said as the lobsters hopped onto their back legs and the rainbow trout stood up on their tail fins! "You ssstart off with a line of dancerssss, like ssssalmon, cod, trout, or whoeverssss available."

"And don't forget about the langosta's! They're the most important part!" Eduardo said happily. "Oh why of courssse! The lobsterssss, how could I forget? Now Ssssakura, watch closely. You advance twice, change lobsterssss, and retire in the same order. Then you sssswap lobsterssss again."

"Si! We'll show you how it's done!" Eduardo said as he began playing his violin. As he did, a small band of fish, armed with other instruments rose out of the pond on a plarform and began to play with him, much to Sakura's surprise!

Eduardo: **"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail**

 **There's a porpoise close behind us and he's treading on my tail!**

 **See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance, they are waiting on the shingle will you come and join the dance?**

As the furry beast sang, Sakura watched as the lobsters and trout began to dance with each other in perfect sync! Ink then raised the part of his body Sakura was sitting on, raising her to her feet. "May I have this dance?" he asked with a bow of his head. "You may!" Sakura giggled as she curtsied.

Eduardo and his fishy band kept playing their music as Sakura grabbed Ink's tail, the large snake twirled the little girl around as she danced along with the lobsters and the fish. Ink quickly wrapped his tail around Sakura's waist and spun her out, making her perform a pirouette. She held on tightly to his tail and started letting out the cutest laugh you have ever heard in your life!

 **See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance**

 **They are waiting on the shingle will you come and join the dance?**

 **Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, join the dance?**

 **Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, join the dance?**

At that moment, the band stopped playing their song. Sakura clapped as Eduardo and his band took a bow, all the fish and other sea creatures quickly retreated into the pond.

"That was amazing!" she cheered. "Why thank you my dear." Ink said. "It'ssss alwayssss and honor to perform for guestssss!" Eduardo nodded quickly and his smile was as big as ever. "By the way, I was wondering if you two could help me." Sakura said.

"Whatever you wisssh my darling." Ink said. "I'd like to meet this Royal Diamond I keep hearing about!" Sakura happily said. Eduardo screamed in terror before ducking behind a shrub that was way too small to effectively conceal the minotaur.

"What's with that response?" she asked.

"He'sss a little ssscared of our Diamond, sssshe can be rather intimidating." Ink hissed as he rubbed the back of his head with his tail. "And that'ssss putting it lightly."

"Well I was told that she might help me get home! So please, do this for me." Sakura said as she put her hands together. Ink looked down at the little girl and groaned internally. "Asss you wisssh. I'll take you to the edge of our sssspot in the garden but after that we musssst part wayssss. Undersssstand?" Ink asked Sakura who nodded in response.

"Then follow me." Ink said as she slithered into another part of the garden. "Sssstay here Eduardo, I sssshall return in a moment." he hissed to his furry friend. Sakura and Ink walked through the luscious colored garden until after a short while, they came to the garden's exit. Sakura looked up at the large snake who looked down at her.

"Alright young lady, thissss isss asss far asss I dare go. If you keep going ahead, you'll end up in our Diamond'ssss courtyard. Sssshe ssshould be appearing to her court in a few minutessss." Ink said.

"I understand, thank you Ink, for everything!" Sakura said before leaping forward and hugging the snake who gasped silently. He looked down at her smiled warmly. After a few seconds Sakura let him go and with a grin, headed off towards the courtyard with Ink watching her the whole time. "Be careful..." he whispered to himself.

 _(Please R &R)_


	10. The queen of Gems

As she wandered through the garden, Sakura was grinning the whole way. "I can't wait to meet this Diamond person, if she's royalty that's even better! I've never met anyone royal before!" She said as she continued on her trek.

"Whoa, watch it! One almost fell!" A voice suddenly rang out. "Huh? Who was that?" Sakura asked herself as she quickly ran ahead. She ended up in a huge open part of the garden. "The courtyard, I found it!" Sakura exclaimed as she ran ahead into the open yard and looked around quickly. The garden was surrounded by large hedges with crystal flowers all over them.

But one sight in particular that caught Sakura's eye was a large tree with crystal apples the size of car tires! The apples were colored red, yellow and green and they shined brightly in the sun! Clinging to the limbs of the tree were small red skinned girls the size of children holding cleaning cloths.

Each one of them had a ruby gemstone on different parts of their body. One had a gem on her right shoulder and another one had a gem on where her bellybutton would be. Sakura walked up to the base of the tree and smiled as she looked up at the Rubies hard at work. "Excuse me!" She called out. The Rubies halted what they were doing and looked down at her.

"May I ask what you're doing?" She asked politely. "We're doing our job! We've been appointed by our Diamond to be her official Garden Cleaners!" A Ruby with a gem on her chest said proudly. "But we have to make sure none of them break or else... we get sent to Jasper." she said with a gulp.

"Unfortunately...she ordered yellow diamonds for decoration. We ordered RED ones by mistake." A Ruby with a gem on her foot said, looking scared, "So..."

"We paint then yellow?" one with a gem in her eyes said, shyly.

The Ruby with the gemed foot looked at her partner with a shocked expression. She covered her cheeks as stars appeared in her eyes. "Of course! She'll never know the difference!" She said as she hopped down from the tree and ran over to a nearby work cart full of tools. She quickly scrambled around in a pile of random stuff and pulled out several buckets of yellow paint.

"Gems, time to paint!" She said triumphantly as she and her friends armed themselves with paint brushes and held them aloft as if they were swords. "Yeah!" They all said loudly as they dunked their brushes into the paint and started painting over some nearby red diamonds with bright yellow paint.

"Mind if I help?" Sakura asked as she grabbed a brush for herself and started painting along. "Slowly but surely girls, slowly but surely!" One of the Rubies exclaimed. Suddenly, without warning, a loud trumpeting fanfare started blaring making Sakura and the Rubies jump. "Our Diamond, she's here!" The Rubies started screaming and running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

They then got in a line before saluting. Sakura, being completely disoriented, could only stand in line and salute as well...but she recognized the person blowing the trumpet as he bounded in.

It was Toadsworth!

"The mushroom man!" She said as Toadsworth kept playing his trumpet as loud as he could. Sakura watched as over the horizon, several purple skinned large women were marching in perfect unison, each one of them had an Amethyst gemstone on different parts of their bodies like the Rubies.

Right behind them was a massive yellow palanquin that walked on metallic spider legs, each leg making a loud thud as it hit the dirt and all sides being surrounded by curtains. Walking right alongside the palanquin, a huge evil smirk on her face, was another large woman with orange skin that was dabbled dark orange stripes. Strapped to her back was a large Warhammer that looked like if anyone else tried to hold it up, it would most likely be so heavy that it would pop their arms right out of their sockets.

This Amazon of a woman was the nightmare of all the gem soldiers, Jasper, the Royal Diamond's personal bodyguard and executioner.

Toadsworth, as quickly as he could, ran to the head of the line and played his trumpet some more as the guards continued their marching. He stood right next to a blue skinned woman wearing a blue coat and tall white boots. Sakura watched as one by one the large women passed her by, neither one of them out of sync. "Gems, HALT!" The blue skinned woman shouted. At that instant, the Amethyst colored women stopped in their tracks.

"Ten-hut!"

"Yes Holly Blue!" The Amethysts said perfectly as they formed a diamond symbol with their hands. Each one of them crossed their arms and touching their fingertips. "Glory to the Almighty Diamond!" They all said loudly. "At ease!" Holly Blue said with her hands behind her back. All the Amethyst guards dropped their arms to their sides.

Holly Blue looked down at Toadsworth and coughed a little. "Well, sometime this century would be nice!" She whispered in a rather miffed tone. Toadsworth jumped and quickly adjusted his glasses. "O-oh! Of course, of course..." he said as he puffed out his chest. "Presenting, her royal highness, her grace, the one and the only… Yellow Diamond!"

Right there, the curtains hanging from the palanquin opened up, and out stepped a woman who was so huge, she stood above all before her! She narrowed her stare, looking down at all others with an imperious look. She was completely yellow. Her skin, eyes, and hair was each a different shade. Looking at her face, Sakura felt a shiver run down her spine. Like this was someone she shouldn't ever cross if she valued her life.

This was proven when she leaned down and touched one of the gems, wiping off the yellow paint.

"Who was PAINTING my gemstones yellow?" she asked, sounding angered.

"Pearl! Come here!" Yellow Diamond barked loudly. Emerging from the shade of the palanquin was a skinny woman with an onion shaped head and a pointy nose. She was wearing what appeared to be some sort of ballet looking outfit with puffy shoulders and leggings. "Yes my Diamond, right away!" She said happily before running to her Diamond's side.

"It appears that someone was painting MY gems! I want you to find out who it was right away and have them shattered!" Yellow Diamond said as she clenched her large fist. The Rubies all gulped at once and began to sweat bullets. "Shattered?" Sakura asked. One of the Rubies leaned over to her and whispered into her ear.

"These gems we have, they're not just for show! If one breaks fully we're done for!" She said, Sakura felt another chill go up her spine. "Yes my Diamond!" Yellow Pearl said. "And try not to keep me waiting. My arms could use a good workout." the woman with the hammer, famously known to the gem soldiers as Jasper, said with an evil smirk.

Yellow Pearl put her hand on her chin and scratched it softly. "Let's see, the only gems in the garden were the gardeners. So that would imply... it was one of you!" She said pointing at Sakura and the Rubies! "No Yellow Pearl! It wasn't me, it was her!" The Ruby with the gem-ified eyeball said pointing at her bedazzled bellied friend.

"Nu-uh! It was you, don't lie!" She fired back while Yellow Pearl looked back and forth at the two, her expression getting more and more annoyed as it went on. "No! It was..." The both of them said in unison before pointing their fingers at Sakura! "Her!"

"Huh?!" Sakura asked in shock. Yellow Pearl raised an eyebrow and walked over to Sakura, examining her as if she was a piece of art. "And what kind of gem are you?" She asked. "You're too small to be a Jasper and too simple minded looking to be a Peridot. Are you a Sapphire of some kind?" Yellow Pearl asked as she took a piece of Sakura's skirt between her fingers and rubbed it softly.

"Um...none of the above?" Sakura said, "I'm a girl. A HUMAN girl."

Yellow Diamond widened her eyes and raised her hand in disgust. "A HUMAN girl?" she asked, regarding Sakura with a haughty expression. Sakura gulped as the large woman looked right down at her, she felt like an insect who was about to be captured in a jar by a 10 year old kid. She stood up straight and tried her best to look prim and proper. "Yes your highness!" She replied.

She towered over Sakura, looking like a tower that would bring about her demise in a second...

"If there is one thing I don't tolerate, it's humans…" She growled and readied her large fist!

"My Diamond, if I may interject," the Pearl said grabbing her Diamond's hand, "Merely being human is not an offense to be punished by execution. Wait until she does something wrong, THEN annihilate her."

"Y-yeah! What she said!" Sakura said with a timid grin. Yellow Diamond groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Very well. But remember this young lady, I have rules around here and I expect them to be followed. You will address me as ma'am or 'my Diamond' at all times, and if I even see you causing one OUNCE of trouble, you get sent to Jasper! Understand?" Yellow Diamond asked as Jasper snickered under her breath.

"Yes, my Diamond!" Sakura said. "Watch your back little girl, Mr. Hammer's just dying to meet you..." Jasper snickered as she gave her hammer a good smack. "Walk with me child." Yellow Diamond said as she motioned to Sakura, who squeaked and ran to her side. "Pearl, be a darling and go fetch me my plate of royal tarts, I'm sure our guest here is feeling rather famished." Yellow Diamond said to her little servant.

"Uh, y-yes my Diamond!" Pearl said before scurrying off. She was feeling rather confused at the moment, she had never before seen her Diamond act so... polite to a guest before, let alone a human. But at the same time Pearl was glad she had taken her advice, it saved her a lot of time from having to clean up the remains.

Sakura and Yellow Diamond walked through a small section of the garden, the large yellow woman had her hands behind her back the whole time.

"Tell me child... what's your name and where are you heading too?" She asked. "Uh, my name's Sakura Kinomoto, and I'm trying to go home." The little girl said to the giant woman. "Really now? Well let me ask you another thing." Yellow Diamond said as she suddenly knelt down towards Sakura, who gasped quietly.

"Do you know how to play croquet?"

"Um...a little, I guess. We tried it once in PE but I'm willing to try it again!" Sakura said.

"Excellent, then I shall set up a game as swiftly as possible." Yellow Diamond said. "Holly Blue!" Yellow Diamond called out to her general, Holly Blue snapped to attention and quickly turned her head to the Amethyst guards. "You heard our Diamond, move it! We musn't keep her waiting!" Holy Blue ordered as the Amethyst guards began to scramble all around as fast as they could.

The muscular women began hauling out huge croquet arches made of smooth crystal and began placing them all around the grassy area the crystalized garden. "Around here we play this game a little differently then you humans do." Yellow Diamond said as she walked over to her palanquin. She reached behind her giant throne and pulled out a huge croquet mallet with a diamond design going up and down it.

"Oh? How's that?" Sakura asked. "Hehe, easy." One of the Amethyst guards said as she and another guard rolled out a giant green sphere that was the size of a zorb. One of the guards seized Sakura by her shirt collar and hoisted her up! "You're the ball!" She said. "What?! Hey, wait a second!" Sakura blared as the guards stuffed her into the huge sphere. "I didn't sign up for this!"

"Relax, we've all done it! Who knows? You might have fun!" Another one of the Amethyst guards said.

"And try not to lose, you don't want to make our Diamond angry." One of the guards said. Sakura narrowed her eyes and clenched her little hands. "I'll show you!" She said in a rather adorably mad tone.

"Then let the game BEGIN." Yellow Diamond said. Her mallet went up and slammed into the ball, Sakura yelling as it was propelled forward.

"Ahh! Whoa!" Sakura squealed as she went rolling around in the green ball like a hamster going too fast on it's running wheel. "O-ok, focus Sakura, focus! You can do this!" The little girl told herself as she regained her posture and started moving her arms and legs in conjunction with the sphere rolling.

Sakura saw one of the crystal arches coming up fast! She grunted as she steered the sphere towards it, zooming through the arch with a loud "Whoosh!"

Yellow Diamond leaned forward, a sadistic smile on her face. Sakura saw this face and felt it only fuel her desire to throw it back into this woman's face.

Up ahead she saw the second archway and once again, zoomed right through it as if it were nothing! "Oh my goodness!" Sakura cried out as she zipped across the lawn. The Amethyst and Ruby guards all cheered as she made it through the third and fourth archway! "Come on kid, you can do it!" A Ruby screamed as she jumped up and down!

Sakura looked ahead and saw the next archway was far to the right! She quickly scrambled towards the right of the sphere, putting all of her body weight against it. "Please turn, please turn!" She grunted as the sphere steered off to the side and through the next arch. Finally, up ahead, Sakura noticed a rainbow colored beam sticking out of the ground.

"The goal, I made it!" She squealed in delight as she darted for the finish. With a loud clang, Sakura collided with the goal and all the Gems watching cheered and waved their arms in the air. Jasper growled under her breath while Holly Blue idly stood by and casually clapped for Sakura, like a spectator at a golf game.

"Hmm, impressive." Yellow Diamond said. The giant woman looked at the crowd of cheering gems and gritted her teeth. "Silence! All of you or face being shattered!" She barked loudly, all the gems immediately stopped their cheering and stood as straight as boards. Back with Sakura, the little girl popped the top off of the sphere and plopped down onto the grass.

She held her small head and shook it, trying to get her dizziness to go away. "Wow... what a ride..." She said as her eyes went cross. "Oh my goodness, what a show! Do it again, do it again!" A familiar voice spoke out of the blue. Sakura looked around and much to her surprise, Discord was sitting atop the goal rolling with laughter.

"Boy, Yellow Diamond really likes you doesn't she?" Discord said as he rolled backwards off the goal and gently floated to the ground like a large feather.

Sakura groaned and shook her head. "Go away Discord, I'm not in the mood right now. She likes me as much as a can likes a mouse before eating it." She said dazedly. "Ooh, you sound bitter...want me to even the score a bit?" Discord asked, eagerly.

"NO. If this is what she's like in a GOOD mood..." Sakura hissed.

"...Eh, I'll do it anyway. Seems like fun!" Discord said, vanishing. Sakura felt a chill go down her spine at the way he said that.

"I wonder if this uptight Gem is hungry for a tart?" Discord giggled with a mischievous tone. He slithered across the grass and quietly snuck up behind Holly Blue who stood as firm as a statue. Discord let out another giggle and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hmm?" Holly asked as she turned her head only to see nobody there.

"Over here!" Discord said to her, Holly Blue's head darted to the other side and once again, nobody was there. "Hmm? All this standing around all day, you look hungry! How about a tart?" Discord asked himself as he held up a diamond shaped tart in one of his clawed hands. "Oh Holly Blue!" He said to the blue skinned woman.

"What?" She asked as she turned around and saw Discord standing right behind her. She gasped in surprise and at that moment, Discord slammed the huge tart fight into her face, causing the filling to go everywhere!

"Please stop, please stop, PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP!" Sakura pleaded.

"Your tarts have arrived my Diamond, fresh from the oven!" Yellow Pearl said as she stepped in carrying a plate full of the same diamond shaped tarts. "Thank you Pearl." Yellow Diamond said. The giant woman looked down at the tray and almost immediately her eyebrow shot up.

"Pearl, you should know this by now. Every single time I send you to get me some tarts I specifically ask for 13, I only see 12 on that platter." She said. Pearl's shifty looking eyes darted towards the platter and they shot open as fast as fresh bullets from a gun. "Wha...? But I could've sworn there were 13, I counted them before I left the kitchen!"

Yellow Diamond felt the veins in her neck pop up and her rage was gradually starting to build, like a volcano that was ready to erupt. "Pearl, someone here is a Tart thief, and unless you want to be sent to broek I recommend you find out who it was and punish them right now!" She snapped at her little servant.

Sakura gulped as Pearl began searching everyone nearby. She wondered how this could possibly get worse. "Here, hold this, please." Discord said, handing Sakura a set of tongs and an oven mitt...with some crumbs on it.

Sakura yelled before tossing both of them away behind a hedge. What she thought was "There, that's it..."

"I know one of you stole a tart! Come on, fess up!" Yellow Pearl barked as she kept inspecting all the gem soldiers. Finally she reached Holly Blue, who was still in the process of wiping tart filling from her clothes, staining them in the process. The blue gem gasped and shook her hands timidly.

"Pearl, I can explain! This weird serpent looking creature did this!" She blared out. Yellow Pearl gasped and covered her mouth. "Holly Blue... I should've known!" She said. Yellow Diamond stomped over and looked down at her general, a really serious expression on her face. Holly Blue looked up at her leader and her legs began to shake, drops of sweat were starting to form on her head.

"M-my Diamond! This wasn't my fault, really!" Holly Blue said, feeling the urge to collapse from fright at any second. "I knew you were planning things behind my back... Jasper! Shatter her to pieces!" Yellow Diamond barked. Jasper smirked and walked over to the blue gem. "About time!" She said as she grabbed her fellow Gem by the back of her shirt.

Jasper dragged Holly Blue across the ground who the whole time was kicking her legs and wailing! "No please! It wasn't me, I swear!" she cried out. Sakura gasped and shook her head quickly. "No... I-I've gotta do something!" She said before running over to the hammer wielding Gem. "Wait a second, hold it!" Sakura called out as she grabbed Jasper's muscular arm.

"Back off kid, I've got a job to do! If you don't buzz off you'll be joining her!" Jasper barked at the little girl. "But this isn't right! Do you have any proof that Holly Blue did it?" Sakura asked.

"...I'm sorry, what?" Jasper asked.

"Th-that's it, yes! Where I come from, when someone is blamed for something they didn't do, everyone's innocent until proven guilty!" Sakura nodded, picking up her stride, "I demand a trial!"

"Ooh, interesting call." Discord's voice said to her, "But how do you argue justice in a place where black is white, up is down, short is long, and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter?"

"I'll find a way." Sakura murmured in response.

"She does have a point my Diamond, Holly Blue does have the right to a fair trial." Yellow Pearl said as she looked up at her Diamond. Yellow Diamond growled lowly and gritted her teeth. She slowly began to inhale and exhale and her rage began to die down. "Very well... let the trial begin!" Yellow Diamond called out to her Gem army!

"Why'd you do this?" Holly Blue asked as she hugged herself in fright.

"To save you." Sakura said.

"Do you have any idea what a trial's like here?" The gem asked.

"No." Sakura said.

"Then this'll all be new to you."

 _(Please R &R)_


	11. Sakura's flight

Before Sakura knew it, she and Holly Blue were being dragged through a large hallway with soldiers at every corner. Two more guards opened a large wooden door which led into a big room where right ahead, Yellow Diamond was sitting atop a yellow throne with Pearl at her side holding a rolled up document. Jasper was standing to the side with a really focused expression, her hammer at the ready.

"Here we go..." Sakura thought as she held her chin up and tried her best to not look intimidated. Toadsworth as quick as a wink ran to out to the front of Yellow Diamond and bellowed on his trumpet. "Members of the jury, you may enter!" He called out. Sakura looked to the side and filling up an empty jury box, she saw her Pokémon friends from the beach!

Each one of them were looking rather spiffy in fancy suites and ties. "Oh, looks like we might have a chance!" She said with a grin. "What makes you say that? If we lose this we're getting shattered!" Holly Blue said to the little girl. "Trust me, I know these guys!" She replied as she and Holly Blue took their seats.

"The floor is yours Yellow Pearl." Toadsworth said as Yellow Pearl stepped up to a judge podium and sat down. "Ahem!" Yellow Pearl coughed as she unrolled her parchment. She looked down at it and began to read... "The prisoner Holly Blue is being charged with theft of property, said property being our very own Yellow Diamond's royal tart. If found guilty she shall be publicly executed by having her gemstone shattered."

Sakura noticed Holly Blue's hands started to tremble and the once proud looking woman nervously bit her lip, a look of worry upon her face. "First witness!" Yellow Pearl asked as she banged a wooden gavel onto her podium with a loud "whack!" Toadsworth pulled out another school and started to read from it.

"Wade Wilson, AKA Deadpool, AKA the merc with the mouth, AKA the raging love machi- wait a second! I think I misread that last part..." Toadsworth said as he adjusted his glasses. "Heyo everybody! The A-number 1 mercenary in all of Wonderland has arrived!" A familiar voice rang out!

"...Oh no..." Sakura groaned as the familiar looking red and black wearing mercenary stepped into the room. "Hey Yellow Pearl, howya doin'? Have you done something with your hair?" Deadpool asked as he took a seat in the witness stand. "Don't bother reading me the proceedings, I've been sued so many times I have it all memorized!" he said with a laugh.

"Uh, very well. So Mr. Wilson, where exactly where you during this, unfortunate event?" Yellow Pearl asked. "Oh I was just kicking back at my place, having a cup of tea. Same crap, different day you know what I'm saying?" he asked. "Hmm, that sounds like an important detail... jury! Write that down!" Yellow Diamond barked.

The jury of Pokémon began scribbling down their "evidence" on small blank chalkboards. "Anything else you would like to add?" Yellow Pearl asked. "Just one... would you like to have some tea at my place sometime Pearl? We could chill and watch a movie or two!" Deadpool said, causing Yellow Pearl to visibly cringe.

"Jasper, have him removed!" Yellow Pearl said as Jasper threw the mercenary over her shoulder. "Ok, I know when I'm not wanted. See you on the other side folks, and have a good night!" He said as Jasper physically tossed him right out the door he came in! "Witness 2, Pinkamena Diane Pie!" Toadsworth bellowed.

"Oh no..." Sakura groaned.

The familiar, pink pony was tossed into the court. She stood at the stand, a smile on her face. "Now, where were you on-"

"OBJECTION!" Pinkie proclaimed with a large, spiky word balloon, "I demand cake first!"

"You can have cake AFTER your testimony." Toadsworth said. Pinkie Pie quickly said, "Proceed."

"Now, did you see anything that you would deem 'suspicious'?" Toadsworth asked.

"Not a thing! I'm innocent! I plead the fifth! The butler did it! There is no spoon! The cake is a lie!" Pinkie shouted.

"Write all of that down." Yellow Diamond said to the witness stand. "Why'd she take that seriously?" Sakura asked.

"On your way now young lady." Toadsworth said as he made a shooing motion with his hands. "Glad to be of service! Where's the cake?" Pinkie asked, bouncing out of the courtroom.

"Having fun?" A familiar voice whispered. Sakura's head darted back and forth, looking for the source. "Over here!" The voice said again. Sakura looked down and saw a butterfly with a blue body, pink wings and a familiar set of horns on it's head. "How many times do I have to tell you? Stop bugging me Discord, it's your fault I'm in this..." Sakura grumbled at the butterfly.

"Oh now what kind of attitude is that?" Discord asked as he fluttered around Sakura's head. "An irritated one..." Sakura groaned some more. "Well if you wish, I could lighten the mood! What do you say we REALLY set Yellow Diamond off?" he asked.

"Please don't. I'm BEGGING YOU..." Sakura said in a pleading voice.

"But child, haven't you forgotten? My name's Discord! It isn't just for show..." Discord said as he vanished in a puff of smoke. "Witness number 3, Chef Jifflypuff!" Toadsworth barked. Sakura noticed a familiar pink puff wearing a chef hat hop into the courtroom and take the witness stand.

Yellow Pearl walked up to the stand and looked at Jigglypuff. "Now, Ms. Puff, you were the cook who made these tarts specifically for Yellow Diamond and I arrived at the kitchen to bring them to the croquet game. Did you see anybody snatch one?" she asked. "Jigglypuff! Jiggly jigglypuff! Jiggly jiggly jiggly puff!" The pink chef said as she moved her little arms all around in a frenzied manner.

"This is so embarrassing..." Sakura groaned as she leaned into the desk in front of her and face palmed. "You're telling me..." Holly Blue said quietly. Yellow Diamond continued to listen to Jigglypuff babble away, her rage slowly building up again. "Enough already! Get to the point or I'll have you shattered!" she barked out loudly! Jigglypuff's large eyes widened and she hid behind her chef hat.

"Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff!" The pink chef said before darting out of the courtroom, leaving a trail of dust behind her.

"Now, with that, let's just move onto the verdict. It's not looking good for you." Yellow Diamond said, a sneer on her face as she regarded Sakura and Holly Blue.

"OBJECTION!"

Another spiky word balloon sprung out to slam Yellow Diamond in the face.

"OW!" She snarled, "WHAT?!"

"Just ONE small detail, your royal...geminess." proclaimed a...thing with slick, combed-back black hair, a blue tuxedo, and a pair of sunglasses. The outfit seemed to be an invocation of Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney. But Sakura realized that the person wearing it was Discord. She felt as if all of her insides fell out of her, "SHE carries a secret. A VERY interesting secret..."

"Uh...please disregard him? He does nothing but-"

"Silence you." Yellow Diamond said to Sakura before looking back at Discord, "What secret?"

"A treasure." Discord said, "A treasure beyond all imagining! A treasure fought over by tyrants, pharaohs, emperors, warlords! And every time it changed hands, it grew larger. And then, suddenly," he snapped his fingers, "it vanished. It didn't reappear for more than a thousand years when knights from the First Crusade found hidden vaults beneath the Temple of Solomon. You see, the knights who found the vaults believed that the treasure was too great for any one man, not even a king. They brought the treasure back to Europe and took the name... the Knights Templar. Over the next century, they smuggled it out of Europe and formed a new brotherhood known as the Freemasons, in honor of the builders of the Great Temple. And, should you shatter these two, it will remain forever buried, no one ever being able to claim it."

"And what treasure would this be?" Yellow Diamond asked, legitimately intrigued.

"The treasure of...Isuckeggs." Discord said, vanishing.

"Fascinating. With this treasure, no one will question my reign ever again." Yellow Diamond said, standing, "Girl...take me to this Treasure of Isuckeggs." There was a pause, no one sure what to say in response, "What? Is it untrue that you know of the Treasure of Isuckeggs?" Some began to snicker, "What?! What is so funny about Isuckeggs?!"

Discord appeared behind her and said, in a voice akin to Yellow Pearl, "It's funny because her lawyer got you to say 'I suck eggs'!" before vanishing.

"We're so shattered. It was nice knowing you." Holly Blue whimpered as Yellow Diamond seemed to realize what she had been saying and how she had been tricked. Holly Blue slid into cover and prepared for the worst.

A vein on Yellow Diamond's neck start to puff up as she clenched her fist, pressed her lips together and her eyes were filled to the brim with anger. "Somebody is going to break for this!" She growled as she pointed her finger right at Sakura! "You! You're behind this, Jasper! Shatter her right now!" The giant woman commanded in a deep booming tone.

"Alright! I've been waiting all day for this!" Jasper said as she walked towards Sakura and cracked her knuckles. "No! It wasn't me, it was-" Sakura pleaded before being cut off at that moment. "Don't toy with me child! This is all your fault and you know it!" Yellow Diamond barked. Just then, Sakura remembered something, something that could possibly save her life!

"The mushroom!" She gasped. Sakura promptly reached into her uniform pocket and pulled out the remaining pieces of mushroom that Comic Book Guy gave her! She promptly stuffed them into her mouth and ate every bite!

The next moment, she slowly rose, expanding in size and mass until she towered over all present. A familiar tune played as she opened her mouth.

"SKREEEONGK!" she roared...before sighing, "So glad Toya's not here."

It still sent all into a fearful panic, but some of the Amethyst guards began swatting at Sakura's legs with their fists to no avail. "Well, you're not so dangerous NOW, are you?" she picked up a handful of the Gems, "You're nothing but shiny little pebbles." She said as she dropped the gems to the floor.

"J-Jasper! Do something!" Yellow Pearl said to her bulky executioner. "...Nu-uh, no way my Diamond, this is your fight!" Jasper said as she backed away. Yellow Diamond growled and turned her head to her servant. "Pearl, you handle this!" she ordered. Yellow Pearl nodded quickly, grabbed a parchment off of her judge podium and leaped across the table.

She ran as quickly as she could to the giant girl and stood at her feet. "Uh, r-rule 42: All persons more than a mile high, be they human or gem and with the exception of our Diamond, must leave the court immediately!" Yellow Pearl stammered. "I agree!" A familiar screechy voice called out from the jury box.

Sakura turned her large head and saw Ratata scramble his way over the edge of the jury box and landing on the floor, he ran up to her and with a small glare, he poked her leg as if he was arguing with someone. "You have no right to grow at such a rapid pace!" he hissed.

"Oh, but I'm NOT going to leave." Sakura said, glaring down at the Gems, "I've had it up to HERE with this madness. It's been nothing but madness and humiliation since I got here. From pointless races to nonsensical tea parties to horribly-produced movies! Now, there's just ONE thing..." Sakura didn't realize that she began to shrink, "To say..." shrunk a bit more, "TO YOU..."

She then realized that she was back to her normal size. Yellow Diamond did as well as a sadistic smile formed on her face, "And that would be...?"

Sakura gulped before saying, "The defense rests."

She then turned tail and bolted as fast as her legs could carry her!

"After her, bring her to me!" Yellow Diamond shouted as she pointed at the court room exit. All of the gem soldiers nodded at once and stampeded out the door! "You heard our Diamond! Move it, move it!" Yellow Pearl hastily commanded! Sakura busted her way through the front doors of the court house and quickly found herself back in Yellow Diamond's garden!

"I gotta get out of here! There should be an exit around here somewhere!" Sakura panted as she took off running again. Right behind her was a small army of Amethyst guards. "Spread out, find her!" One of them shouted and pointed in every direction! Suddenly with a loud *CRASH!* Yellow Diamond burst through the front of the room like a T-rex through a small house!

"Where are you?!" She growled loudly as her head darted back and forth!

Sakura continued running, fast as she could, even as the gems ran after her.

"Hey, wanna join us for tea?" Deadpool called as she ran by. "Well, that was rude." Pinkie said, blowing a noise maker. Sakura ran and ran, looking back to see the gems in hot pursuit along with the two crazies. Then *WHAM!*

"Excuse me, no banging your head on the display case, please." Comic Book Guy said. Sakura didn't even try to comprehend what was going on.

"I need help!" she shouted.

"Sorry, but we're in the middle of the non-sequitur chase. So...no." Comic Book Guy answered. She ran by as he simply said, "Worst cameo ever."

Sakura quickly ran past a nearby square shaped hedge and saw Yellow Diamond on the other side! "There you are!" She yelled and reached for the small girl. Sakura gasped and ran to the side, only to see the giant woman's hand slam down in front of her! She quickly darted to the other side and Yellow Diamond slammed her hand there too!

"Come back here you worm!" Yellow Diamond growled as Sakura ran between her legs and right into some waiting Amethyst guards. "Gotc-d'oh!" The guard shrieked as Sakura knocked her and some other guards over! The little girl quickly rose to her feet and continued running as fast as she could!

Quickly making another turn, Sakura much to her horror saw Jasper waiting for her, her Warhammer at the ready! "AHH!" The little girl shrieked as she darted to the side! "Gragh!" Jasper grunted as she slammed her hammer into the dirt! Suddenly, all around her, Sakura noticed that the whole world seemed to be... falling apart.

It looked as if everything was dematerializing, either turning into wisps of smoke or melting into colorful slime! Sakura grunted as she quickly pulled her feet out of the slimy remains of Yellow Diamond's jeweled plants and scrambled like a mouse running away from a cat! "She's right there, don't let her get away! Shatter her to pieces!" Yellow Diamond barked from behind!

She continued running, eventually coming to a doorway. It seemed to stay in the middle of nowhere, floating just out of reach, but she could instinctively tell that it led somewhere else. Somewhere safe. She grabbed at the knob and twisted only to find it was locked.

"Oh, hello again, little girl." Said a familiar voice. Out of nowhere, a familiar crustacean appeared, "Hi. You remember ME, your best friend, Zoidberg?"

"Could you let me through now? I'm running for my life!" Sakura shouted.

"Oh, sorry. Can't do that." Zoidberg said.

"What?! Why not?!"

"Because you're already through." Zoidberg explained, "Look, see for yourself."

Sakura jumped and peeked through the keyhole, finding...herself, back at the shrine. She had wandered off and was sitting down, fast asleep. Wait...was...was this whole thing...?

"I-is that me...?" Sakura asked herself. "There she is!" she heard a voice from behind call out. Sakura looked behind her and saw Yellow Diamond with her gem army coming up fast! Just then, an idea came to her as quick as a bolt of lightning. Sakura grabbed both sides of her head, shut her eyes as tight as she could began shouting!

"Wake up Sakura, please wake up! Come on, wake up!" She said loudly as Yellow Diamond closed in on her! The giant woman smiled evilly as she reached her large hand towards the little girl, and just as she was about to wrap her large fingers around the little girl, Sakura's vision suddenly became blurry, and in a matter of seconds... all went dark.

"Sakura, wake up!" A soft familiar voice said. "Hmm?" Sakura groaned as she opened her green eyes slowly, feeling a hand on her shoulder gently rocking her back and forth. Sakura looked up and saw Tomoyo standing right in front of her with a grin on her cheeks. "Sleep well?" Tomoyo asked her best friend.

"Oh...I...guess I did." Sakura said, groaning as sat up, "What happened?"

"You wandered off. Everyone's been looking for you." Tomoyo said.

"I'm sorry, I guess I dozed off." Sakura murmured as she stood up, knowing in the pit of her stomach that Toya would tease her relentlessly for this.

"Syaoran was especially worried." Tomoyo added.

"Really?" Sakura asked, eagerly. "Yeah! He vowed not to rest until we found you." Tomoyo said. Sakura looked down and smiled warmly, a light blush appearing on her cheeks. "Come on, let's get back to the others." Tomoyo said as she took Sakura's hand. After a minute or two, Sakura noticed all of her classmates and their teacher straight ahead.

"There you are! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Their teacher said.

"I'm sorry." Sakura said with a short bow. The group continued on their trip. Sakura didn't miss too much, despite her whole adventure.

Syaoran waited for the two, an angry look on the young boy's face, "Where were you? Do you have any idea-"

"How worried you were?" Sakura asked.

"NO! What would've happened if anything had happened to you!" Syaoran snapped, defensively...though he did seem a bit red.

"Because you care?" Tomoyo asked.

"NO!"

"I'm touched, Li." Sakura said as the three walked to catch up, "Hey, I had the strangest dream. Wanna hear it?"

Unseen by any, Discord snickered as he watched them leave, hiding from the safety of a tree. He then turned to the readers, asking, "Oh, it WAS a dream...or was it? You be the judge."

With that, the draconequus walked off with a skip in his step and whistling a happy tune, passing by Mr. Krabs, Deadpool, Pinkie Pie, the Warners, Comic Book Guy, King Dedede, Jigglypuff, Yellow Diamond, all reveling in their various insanity.

"After all, we're ALL mad here." Discord said with a laugh.

 _ **THE END**_

 _ **(Credits song: Follow me Down by 3oh3)**_

 _(Please R &R and thank you for reading!)_


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